Once upon a time, there was a young girl, a silly young girl. A girl who laughed in an unusual way and at inopportune times. A sweet girl, a girl who loved her friends and her college. A girl who had a plan. A life plan by which she would live her life. This silly young girl loved plans. She loved writing out her plan for each day knowing that those days led up to the big plan, the overarching plan. She met a boy her freshman year. A silly boy who broke appointments with her. A boy who stayed up late and slept in. A boy who had big ideas for the leadership of his school. The girl didn't think much about him, but there was always something. Something she couldn't quite see. The girl continued down her path all planned out. She spent the summer working and writing all her college friends wherever they were that summer. All except the silly boy who never gave her his address. When school started back the silly boy went to the silly girl and asked why she hadn't written. The silly girl made a smart remark and they laughed. But there was something. Something she couldn't quite see. The silly boy became president of his class and the silly girl was the secretary. They had meetings and often the boy would walk the girl and her friend home. The silly girl began work at the library. She noticed the silly boy hanging out. Often the silly boy seemed to be leaving the library at the same time she was, so they would walk together. They talked, they laughed, and there was something. Something she couldn't quite see. Secretly the silly girl got off her plan. She began to see another boy, not a silly boy, not a nice boy. She realized this but felt trapped. She was scared and began to share with the silly boy. He listened so intently, but never gave advice. One night after a meeting, the silly girl was in the elevator with her friend. The friend said, "you know the silly boy likes you." The silly girl laughed and laughed. But there was something. Something she couldn't quite see. Soon after that, the silly boy offered the silly girl an escape. Go out with him, the silly boy. So, she did.
The silly girl began to like the silly boy. There was just something. Something she couldn't quite see. The silly boy and silly girl started spending all their free time together. They talked and talked about everything. They laughed and laughed. The silly girl pretended to like staying up late at night. She pretended to really like watching sports on TV. The silly boy suspected, but didn't care, because she was sitting by him and that was all that mattered. The silly girl got sick and had to leave school without saying goodbye to the silly boy. So the silly boy went to her house. It was then that the silly girl KNEW there was something. But she still couldn't quite see. They continued dating after returning to school until one day, the silly girl SAW. She saw the something. She saw it LOUD AND CLEAR. The silly girl never wanted to be apart from the silly boy ever. The something was LOVE. This scared the silly girl, because this was not her life plan. The silly boy was not who she planned on marrying. He was a MINISTERIAL STUDENT. The silly girl was NOT going to marry a MINISTERIAL STUDENT. Plus she wasn't supposed to get married till she was out of college for a year or two. She wasn't supposed to meet the boy until her junior year! The silly boy was wrecking the silly girl's life plan. So, the silly girl broke up with the silly boy.
Unlike the previous boy, the not nice boy, the silly boy was a boy of integrity. He had given his word that he would go to watch the silly girl's younger brother play basketball, and he was going. On the drive to the silly girl's house, it was silent. There was little talk, little laughter. Not silly at all. After dinner, the silly girl's grandmother said to the silly girl, "He is the one." The silly girl gasped and said, "I hope not, because I just broke up with him." "Well, you better fix that," replied the silly girl's grandmother. So, on the way home that night, the silly girl pleaded with the silly boy to take her back. She didn't want to be without him. The silly boy smiled, and said yes, because the silly boy knew all along that the silly girl was scared, but he didn't care because she was right beside him and that was all that mattered.
The silly girl and the silly boy got married and became the silly woman and the silly man. Together they had a silly baby boy and a silly baby girl. They still talk and talk and laugh and laugh. The silly woman still pretends sometimes to love watching sports on TV, and the silly man knows. But it is okay because she is sitting right beside him and that is all that matters.
THE END
Monday, February 14, 2011
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Poetry
You invited me in, and poured me some tea.
I sat, listened and held your hand.
You poured out your soul,
I poured out mine.
And now there is nothing.
A big blank hole.
I don't usually venture out to others' homes.
I keep to myself and those trusted few.
But out I came and bared my soul.
Out I came and took on your pain.
And now there is nothing.
A big blank hole.
I am left standing with your pain in my heart.
I am left holding a forgotten promise.
A piece of my soul is out there.
I am too trusting, but ne'er again.
And now there is nothing.
A big blank hole.
I sat, listened and held your hand.
You poured out your soul,
I poured out mine.
And now there is nothing.
A big blank hole.
I don't usually venture out to others' homes.
I keep to myself and those trusted few.
But out I came and bared my soul.
Out I came and took on your pain.
And now there is nothing.
A big blank hole.
I am left standing with your pain in my heart.
I am left holding a forgotten promise.
A piece of my soul is out there.
I am too trusting, but ne'er again.
And now there is nothing.
A big blank hole.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Breathing in 2011
Maybe this year I will just post on the first day of the month! Ha!! It is funny, I can go through periods where a blog post come into my head every day, and then times when I forget I have a blog. :-) I want to develop my writing, and to do so, I need to write everyday. EVERY. DAY. hmmmmmm.........
I just reread my post for the beginning of 2011. It seems that I was very prescient. "Let go." Wow, who knew those 2 little words could have such an impact on my life. I wrote that I would like to "Let go" more in 2011. Well, almost immediately, I have been provided with many opportunities to practice. And well, let's just say my grade right now is in the "D" range.
I have written about these same areas so many times. I have struggled with them so many times. And I get so angry at myself now because once again I am giving my power away. Once again I am allowing fear to rule my thoughts and emotions. Once again.....so I am not going to write about them here. I am not going to let these issues reign in my life.
I am going to breathe in...................and feel my body filling with oxygen and air
then as I slowly exhale.....................I will let those fears go
breathe in............................feel my body expanding
exhale.........................let the betrayals go
breathe in.....................and listen to the silence as I hold
then exhale....................let those people go
breathe in.....................and feel my heart beating
exhale........................let go of the bitterness
breathe in...........................feel the warmth spreading
exhale........................let go of the negative
breathe in.................feel the positive energy
exhale.......................let the pain go
breathe in...................feel the healing begin.
How about you? Do you have something you just can't let go? Does it creep into your life continually? How do you handle it?
For now, I'll just keep breathing........
I just reread my post for the beginning of 2011. It seems that I was very prescient. "Let go." Wow, who knew those 2 little words could have such an impact on my life. I wrote that I would like to "Let go" more in 2011. Well, almost immediately, I have been provided with many opportunities to practice. And well, let's just say my grade right now is in the "D" range.
I have written about these same areas so many times. I have struggled with them so many times. And I get so angry at myself now because once again I am giving my power away. Once again I am allowing fear to rule my thoughts and emotions. Once again.....so I am not going to write about them here. I am not going to let these issues reign in my life.
I am going to breathe in...................and feel my body filling with oxygen and air
then as I slowly exhale.....................I will let those fears go
breathe in............................feel my body expanding
exhale.........................let the betrayals go
breathe in.....................and listen to the silence as I hold
then exhale....................let those people go
breathe in.....................and feel my heart beating
exhale........................let go of the bitterness
breathe in...........................feel the warmth spreading
exhale........................let go of the negative
breathe in.................feel the positive energy
exhale.......................let the pain go
breathe in...................feel the healing begin.
How about you? Do you have something you just can't let go? Does it creep into your life continually? How do you handle it?
For now, I'll just keep breathing........
Saturday, January 1, 2011
A New Year
Almost every blogger is writing a post today about the upcoming new year and what their hopes and dreams are. I guess I am no different. January 1st is always a good time to stop and think about the future and the path you are on. And to see if changes need to be made.
I am currently entering the 2nd half of my life. I am asking lots of questions. What makes me happy? What brings me joy? How can I live each day to its fullest? How can I be even more present in the "present"? I have some answers, I have found a job that I can do that makes me feel good about my part in our family. I have found that spending time with my husband doing just normal things, makes me happy and brings me joy. Raking the leaves together, browsing through a scrap store together these are what make me happy. What brings me ultimate joy is the love of my family. I have 2 children who have really grown up this year and have been able to articulate their love and appreciation. I have a husband who gets me, and yet still loves me. wow!
But there are still lots to learn, lots of ways to grow. And I welcome that, even though I know that means pain along the way. It seems like growth always includes some degree of pain. But in the second half of my life I now know that the pain won't last forever, and one day, there will be rebirth. So now, I can hold onto that.
As I enter 2011, I want to learn to be more real, to love more, to let go, to savor the moments. What are your wishes and hopes this year?
Happy New Years!
I am currently entering the 2nd half of my life. I am asking lots of questions. What makes me happy? What brings me joy? How can I live each day to its fullest? How can I be even more present in the "present"? I have some answers, I have found a job that I can do that makes me feel good about my part in our family. I have found that spending time with my husband doing just normal things, makes me happy and brings me joy. Raking the leaves together, browsing through a scrap store together these are what make me happy. What brings me ultimate joy is the love of my family. I have 2 children who have really grown up this year and have been able to articulate their love and appreciation. I have a husband who gets me, and yet still loves me. wow!
But there are still lots to learn, lots of ways to grow. And I welcome that, even though I know that means pain along the way. It seems like growth always includes some degree of pain. But in the second half of my life I now know that the pain won't last forever, and one day, there will be rebirth. So now, I can hold onto that.
As I enter 2011, I want to learn to be more real, to love more, to let go, to savor the moments. What are your wishes and hopes this year?
Happy New Years!
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Pain and Hope
Sometimes you just wish someone understood your pain. You know your husband is empathetic, caring and concerned. But there is that niggling in the back of your head, "Does he really understand or does he think I am faking?" You have no proof of this, just your brain playing tricks on you. When you ask your teens to do something for you, like get you a drink, make some tea, unload the dishwasher because the pain won't allow you to do it, they roll their eyes and sigh and you think, "Do they think I am faking?". You wish they got it, understood. When your friends show impatience with you for not being able to go and do, you wish they got it, understood. Then it dawns on you suddenly. For them to know means they have it. Means they are in as much pain as you are in. No, no, no. I don't want them to ever understand. I don't want them to EVER get it. I don't.
But the thing is, I don't want it either. We are coming to the end of another year. Another year without a cure. Not just a cure for my diseases but for so many diseases! It is heartbreaking. Yet, we hold on to hope. Hope that a mistake will happen in a lab and a cure will be found in the process. Or hell, just a drug with no side effects that makes your body think it is well and takes away all the pain. Anything. I'll take anything.
I don't like when I get to this place. The negativity door just flies open and all the whining, complaining and bitching just flies out. Just ask Jack! I guess we all have a tolerance level and I have reached mine once again. I know it will get better. I know I will know days of just a little pain. At least I hope so. That is the scary part. You always wonder, is this it? Is this the beginning of a life with a much higher level of pain always? That is frightening because you know there is that possibility. It is always out there waiting for you. The goal is to keep it at bay as long as possible.
Instead of regaling you with all the gritty details of how much pain I am in currently, I simply want to share this poem and in so doing shut the door to negativity once again.
Hopes for 2011
In this upcoming year may we be ever mindful of those around us,
May we smile in the grocery line,
May we slow down and really see the sales clerk, nurse, mechanic, etc.
May we open a door for a stranger,
May we let a car in our lane.
In this upcoming year may we be ever mindful of those we love,
May we tell them "I love you",
May we slow down and really listen,
May we be courteous,
May we give of ourselves.
In this upcoming year may we be ever mindful of ourselves,
May we cut ourselves some slack,
May we slow down and breathe,
May we allow ourselves some fun,
May we allow ourselves to receive.
But the thing is, I don't want it either. We are coming to the end of another year. Another year without a cure. Not just a cure for my diseases but for so many diseases! It is heartbreaking. Yet, we hold on to hope. Hope that a mistake will happen in a lab and a cure will be found in the process. Or hell, just a drug with no side effects that makes your body think it is well and takes away all the pain. Anything. I'll take anything.
I don't like when I get to this place. The negativity door just flies open and all the whining, complaining and bitching just flies out. Just ask Jack! I guess we all have a tolerance level and I have reached mine once again. I know it will get better. I know I will know days of just a little pain. At least I hope so. That is the scary part. You always wonder, is this it? Is this the beginning of a life with a much higher level of pain always? That is frightening because you know there is that possibility. It is always out there waiting for you. The goal is to keep it at bay as long as possible.
Instead of regaling you with all the gritty details of how much pain I am in currently, I simply want to share this poem and in so doing shut the door to negativity once again.
Hopes for 2011
In this upcoming year may we be ever mindful of those around us,
May we smile in the grocery line,
May we slow down and really see the sales clerk, nurse, mechanic, etc.
May we open a door for a stranger,
May we let a car in our lane.
In this upcoming year may we be ever mindful of those we love,
May we tell them "I love you",
May we slow down and really listen,
May we be courteous,
May we give of ourselves.
In this upcoming year may we be ever mindful of ourselves,
May we cut ourselves some slack,
May we slow down and breathe,
May we allow ourselves some fun,
May we allow ourselves to receive.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Advent 2010
I did not grow up knowing about the advent season. I don't think it is part of the Southern Baptist tradition. Probably too much like the "Catholics". Just kidding. I don't know if it is part of their tradition now or not. For me, Advent is something I have learned about as an adult. Unfortunately after my first introduction, it became a part of my husband's job, and quite frankly when I heard Advent, I heard "Your husband is going to be busier than normal, if that is possible". Don't get me wrong, there were seasons where the message got through. There were years I could feel the meaning. I am just saying overall, it was part of Jack's work. This year it is different. I am not even in church to hear about advent, yet here it is. This morning I feel it in my soul. So, here are my thoughts.
Advent is waiting. Not the fingers drumming, horn honking, hurry up waiting. It is the heart opening, soul expecting, mind wondering waiting. It is in this place that we do find hope, joy and peace. I feel my family has been in this place for the last year.
Jack left the ministry last year the Sunday before Advent. We have spent part of this year waiting to see what Jack would do. Would he teach? Would he be a therapist? Would he write? We have spent part of this year waiting to see what our lives would look like. Would we start having friends over more? Would we start new hobbies? How would we spend our new-found free time? There were many wonderings. Like who did we want to become? What do we want to do with the second half of our lives? What brings us peace? What brings us joy?
Those of you who know me are probably guffawing at this moment. You know that I don't wait well. I tend to worry, get anxious, even panic when I don't have a plan or know what is going on. I also tend to worry about money quite a bit, especially since I no longer teach. But you know, this past year, none of those things have entered my mind. Oh sure, we have thought about money. But again I would use the word, wonder. We have wondered how can we make a little more to make it through this "building up" stage of Jack's practice. This is miraculous.
A sense of calm and peace settled over our family this year. As we have spent time wondering, exploring, and loving each other, joy has filled our lives. No, it has not been an easy year. Yes, we have had some significant trials. In years past, these dramas would have easily defined the year for me, but not now. We are still waiting. We are still wondering. We are still loving.
What are you waiting for? What are you wondering about? Who are you loving? I pray this advent season finds you. I pray you are able to open your heart and let the sense of peace, hope and joy enter. I love you all.
Peace!
Advent is waiting. Not the fingers drumming, horn honking, hurry up waiting. It is the heart opening, soul expecting, mind wondering waiting. It is in this place that we do find hope, joy and peace. I feel my family has been in this place for the last year.
Jack left the ministry last year the Sunday before Advent. We have spent part of this year waiting to see what Jack would do. Would he teach? Would he be a therapist? Would he write? We have spent part of this year waiting to see what our lives would look like. Would we start having friends over more? Would we start new hobbies? How would we spend our new-found free time? There were many wonderings. Like who did we want to become? What do we want to do with the second half of our lives? What brings us peace? What brings us joy?
Those of you who know me are probably guffawing at this moment. You know that I don't wait well. I tend to worry, get anxious, even panic when I don't have a plan or know what is going on. I also tend to worry about money quite a bit, especially since I no longer teach. But you know, this past year, none of those things have entered my mind. Oh sure, we have thought about money. But again I would use the word, wonder. We have wondered how can we make a little more to make it through this "building up" stage of Jack's practice. This is miraculous.
A sense of calm and peace settled over our family this year. As we have spent time wondering, exploring, and loving each other, joy has filled our lives. No, it has not been an easy year. Yes, we have had some significant trials. In years past, these dramas would have easily defined the year for me, but not now. We are still waiting. We are still wondering. We are still loving.
What are you waiting for? What are you wondering about? Who are you loving? I pray this advent season finds you. I pray you are able to open your heart and let the sense of peace, hope and joy enter. I love you all.
Peace!
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Christmas Decorating Part 2
I do love the twinkling lights of Christmas. I turn my tree on, my wreath and my other tree as soon as I get up in the morning, do you? I love to see the lights all day long. I think I may have to think of a way to incorporate lights in my house all year long!
This is the Gingerbread Garland my mom made many years ago. I remember being pretty young when she made it. About 7 or so years ago, my mom gave away several Christmas items to my brothers and me. This was quite coveted. But it was the ONLY thing I wanted! And I won it! For me it is priceless!
She sewed all those buttons on my hand and stuffed them all! She was one patient woman!!!
This is my Santa collection. Nothing like my mom's, but I love it. In fact, most of those Santas came from my mom as gifts!!! Too funny!
My large tin collection. Never really know what to do with them!!
After a grand Thanksgiving table, I decided to go simple for Christmas. Plus it will just be the four of us. I like it!
This curio cabinet was Jack's Nanny's. The top Nativity is Allie's. The second shelf holds the Nativity that Jack got me when we were dating. And the pewter one my MIL gave several years ago. The third shelf is awkward and I am not sure how to make it better, but it holds the Santa snack plate and mug. And last are my Dicken's houses!
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