The natural tendency when you are sick is to be home. You don't want to be at work. You don't want to be out with friends. You just want to be home in your own bed. Now, think about the chronically ill. Someone who everyday battles feelings from "not up to par" to "god just kill me now". What is their natural instinct? To stay home, be alone, isolate themselves. And honestly that is what I have done for several years now. I have only gone "out" when I needed to. My children's activities forced a certain level of interaction with other people. My husband's job as minister forced me into interaction with others. But then my children grew up and left those activities, and my husband left his job. I woke up one day and realized that my interactions with other people were severely limited. And as much as I loved my husband, I needed girlfriends.
So I hit the computer looking for a book club. I came upon Meetup. I looked through several different groups. Researched the books they had read in the past, and looked through their members and pictures. I wanted to find women who were in similar situations as myself. I hit upon one with an unlikely name, "The Southern Ladies Book Club". The pictures showed women who were goofy and quirky but nice looking. So, I joined. In September I drove to a parking lot to meet 2 new women and drive to Durham to meet 8 more. I was terrified.
This summer my best friend, Allison, and I started crafting together once a week. We enjoy doing many crafty/artsy things and found doing them together was even more fun. As the weeks went by, we began to talk about selling our goods. (She makes amazing handcrafted jewelry and is already out there in that business.) So we did it. For the past two weekends, we have gone to craft fairs and had a booth. Yes, I put out there in the public things that I had created. On top of that I came face to face with strangers. The word stressful doesn't even begin to cover my feelings.
I have a great part time job that I get to do from home on my computer. It is fairly easy and honestly a bit tedious. Jack and I both do it, and that makes it a bit more fun. It is with an educational company so it keeps me feeling somewhat in the loop. Recently Jack was looking for other jobs because our screening was not as profilic as in the past. He came upon a job that sounded right up my alley! It is reviewing video tapes that teachers submit and giving specific feedback to help them improve. So, I applied. Part of the application process was to view a video and give feedback without any training on the specifics they were looking for. This was a nerve-wracking ordeal. I really want this job.
Now I find myself bare and vulnerable. At times I am scared out of my mind, but there is also an excitement. I am starting to develop friends in the book club. I am even going to do something with some of them outside of the club! I have found friends, on my own, who like me! ME! Not the preacher's wife, not Stephen's mom, not Allie's mom, but KAKI!!!
At those craft fairs, people actually bought my creations. They actually thought they were cute. I made money!! The door is now wide open. I started small, but I have BIG ideas. Allison and I are starting a new venture in 2013. It is exciting to see where this leads us.
As for the job, I don't know yet. It is highly likely I won't get it. I know the lady who created this and the program doesn't have time to train people, so they are looking for people who naturally norm like they want. But the possibility is exciting. This means I might find something one day that is a bit closer to the classroom!
The advent season is about joy, hope, love and peace. In stepping outside my comfortable space, I have found joy and love in being accepted. I have found hope that there are more things I can do to contribute to this world as my children need me less. Peace settles around me as I decide to not settle for a limited life, but to go after much, much more.
Where are you today? Are you allowing your fear to hold you back? Or are you out there making the most of this precious life you have?
Friday, December 14, 2012
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Menu Plan Monday on Tuesday
Uh oh! Monday kind of slipped by me! Sorry! I know many of you are off having family dinners and may not need a plan, but I am not. Since we have moved east, we are always home for the holidays. It has taken some getting used to for me. I was used to lots of family and a lot of hub bub around the holidays. But over the years, I have come to really cherish our quiet time with just the four of us or maybe my mil or my parents. It is calm and peaceful. Well, especially now that the kids are older it is calm and peaceful! So I started preparing the entire Thanksgiving feast on my own fifteen years ago. My mom is always near the phone on Wed. through Thursday morning, just in case! And it never fails, that I have to call for just one thing. Maybe it is more to feel her there with me in the kitchen, for that is where I feel the loneliest. Our kitchen was always filled with people and lots of bustling. I am not saying it was all good bustling, but it was NOT lonely!
This year has a bit more "special-ness" to it. This time next year, our table may be missing one person. Allie is applying to a gap year with Global Initiative. If accepted, she will be gone a whole year. It just struck me recently that means no Thanksgiving, no Christmas, no Birthday!!!! So I plan on enjoying the peace and calm and soaking it all in.
Monday - Cheeseburger Cupcakes
Tuesday - Chicken Tortilla Soup
Wednesday - Going out with Jack's mom and his brother
Thursday - Turkey
Dressing
Sweet Potato Casserole
Potato Casserole
Green Bean Casserole
Sister Schubert's Rolls
Pumpkin Pie
Chocolate Pie
Friday - Leftovers!
Saturday - Crispy Southwest Chicken Wraps
You will notice I went pretty easy with the calories on Monday and Tuesday. I figure we will eat too many calories on Thursday, and I am hoping off set that with lower calorie meals the rest of the week!
This week I heard from Jill Lawson again! Her family loved the chicken tortilla soup! I also heard from Lea Slaton who tried the Chicken Bake. She was skeptical at first like I was, but said it was delicious! So, what are you trying this week? Or better yet, what is on your menu?
This year has a bit more "special-ness" to it. This time next year, our table may be missing one person. Allie is applying to a gap year with Global Initiative. If accepted, she will be gone a whole year. It just struck me recently that means no Thanksgiving, no Christmas, no Birthday!!!! So I plan on enjoying the peace and calm and soaking it all in.
Monday - Cheeseburger Cupcakes
Tuesday - Chicken Tortilla Soup
Wednesday - Going out with Jack's mom and his brother
Thursday - Turkey
Dressing
Sweet Potato Casserole
Potato Casserole
Green Bean Casserole
Sister Schubert's Rolls
Pumpkin Pie
Chocolate Pie
Friday - Leftovers!
Saturday - Crispy Southwest Chicken Wraps
You will notice I went pretty easy with the calories on Monday and Tuesday. I figure we will eat too many calories on Thursday, and I am hoping off set that with lower calorie meals the rest of the week!
This week I heard from Jill Lawson again! Her family loved the chicken tortilla soup! I also heard from Lea Slaton who tried the Chicken Bake. She was skeptical at first like I was, but said it was delicious! So, what are you trying this week? Or better yet, what is on your menu?
Monday, November 12, 2012
Menu Plan Monday
Last week I actually heard from someone that had tried one of the recipes from our menu! How exciting! Jill Woodruff Lawson, you made my day. So, if you try one of the recipes, give me a shout out and maybe you will get your name published on my blog as well!!! :-)
Well, this week we are having some oldies, but goodies!
Sunday - Taco Soup (recipe following)
Monday - Honey Mustard Chicken Strips
Salad
Tuesday - Baked Ziti w/ Spinach
Zucchini Rounds
Wednesday - Leftovers
Thursday - Spaghetti
Olive Garden Salad
Friday - Chicken Bake
Saturday - Roast
Potatoes and Carrots
My taco soup recipe is kind of one of those oopsies! I was following a recipe from a cookbook, and didn't quite read it right and BOOM! A new soup was discovered! So, here is this VERY difficult soup.
KaKi' Taco Soup
1 lb. ground beef, browned and drained
1 can corn
1 can kidney beans
1 can Rotel tomatoes
1 can diced tomatoes
1 pkg. taco seasoning
After draining the meat, add the taco seasoning and let it heat up a bit. Then add the rest of the ingredients, juice and all. Let it come to a boil, turn heat to low and simmer 20 minutes. We eat it plain, with sour cream, with chips, however we feel like it or our calories for the day allow!!
Hope you like this week's menu, let me know if you try one out!
Well, this week we are having some oldies, but goodies!
Sunday - Taco Soup (recipe following)
Monday - Honey Mustard Chicken Strips
Salad
Tuesday - Baked Ziti w/ Spinach
Zucchini Rounds
Wednesday - Leftovers
Thursday - Spaghetti
Olive Garden Salad
Friday - Chicken Bake
Saturday - Roast
Potatoes and Carrots
My taco soup recipe is kind of one of those oopsies! I was following a recipe from a cookbook, and didn't quite read it right and BOOM! A new soup was discovered! So, here is this VERY difficult soup.
KaKi' Taco Soup
1 lb. ground beef, browned and drained
1 can corn
1 can kidney beans
1 can Rotel tomatoes
1 can diced tomatoes
1 pkg. taco seasoning
After draining the meat, add the taco seasoning and let it heat up a bit. Then add the rest of the ingredients, juice and all. Let it come to a boil, turn heat to low and simmer 20 minutes. We eat it plain, with sour cream, with chips, however we feel like it or our calories for the day allow!!
Hope you like this week's menu, let me know if you try one out!
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Creativity brings Joy
needed. Now that I have practiced, I have a really nice LL Bean shirt I am going to remake. It was also a Goodwill find!
What ways do you find to create in your life? Is it cooking? Writing? Music? Art? Gardening? Drawing? I would love to hear from each of you. Most of all, I hope you find the joy in your life.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Let Your Light Shine
I have written about my daughter several times. She is one of the most amazing people I know, thus worth writing about. Today my thoughts go back to her as a five year old. We had just moved here, to NC and left behind her best friend, Molly. We had also left behind her beloved Montessori school, and Mrs. Kelsey. Montessori was a fabulous experience for Allie. She was very motivated and self directed. She flourished in this environment so much so that we were contemplating letting her attend kindergarten there as well. This was huge coming from two very pro-public school parents! But then we moved and that settled that question. We registered our kids in the neighborhood school because we missed the deadline for magnet schools. Cary Elementary was a far cry from what Stephen had experienced in Bethesda Elementary and an even farther cry from Allie's Montessori school. Allie had the hardest time adjusting to the differences.
Allie from the time she could speak had a very firm grasp on right and wrong and fair and unfair. I know she is not that different from most kids at that age, but she verbalized her opinions much stronger than most kids her age. So walking into a traditional kindergarten classroom was a shock.
Allie was taller than most five year olds, but extremely skinny. I would buy dresses several sizes big to get the length, and then the dress would just wrap around her little body. So when she came running down the hill from the bus stop, she would billow! It was quite amusing. What wasn't so amusing was the big note that inevitably would be pinned to her chest. She would always jump in my arms needing to be held and reassured after a day away from me. After that, and while she was snacking, I would read the note. "Allie was on yellow today because she would not put her work away when it was circle time." That was the gist of all the notes. I would sit down with her and ask about what happened. She would cry and explain that she wasn't through yet and Mrs. Kelsey always said to finish your work before you moved on. I would calmly explain that Mrs. Postal's class was different. "But it is unfair!" would ultimately pour out of this little girl's mouth. I would hold her as she would then spill every unfair thing that had happened that day. You see, Allie didn't just observe the unfairness around her, she felt it. Physically. She would absorb all that unfairness and wrongness, and then come home to let it out on me. Yes, to say that kindergarten was a hard year would be an understatement.
This is the narrative of Allie's kindergarten experience that gets retold. But there is another narrative that lurks there under the surface. Mrs. Postal had a full-time aid, Mrs. Mujica. Mrs. Mujica saw Allie. She saw the bright little girl who stored hurts, just like she did. She saw the leader in Allie, the resilience, the bravery, the heart. She became Allie's champion. Often, when Mrs. Mujica could see that Allie was struggling, she would take Allie with her on "errands". She would talk to her and build her up. Almost as often as a note was pinned on Allie's chest, a note would be tucked in Allie's lunchbox. This note would be from Mrs. Mujica. "Allie, what a great smile you had today as you worked. I noticed you helping Sara. Thank you. Love, Mrs. Mujica" She wanted Allie to know that she was good and that the goodness had been seen. Mrs. Mujica was a pet lover, so when we got Sunshine, they bonded over their dogs. I think Mrs. Mujica played a big role in Allie coming to accept Sunshine, actually.
What could have been a terrible experience for Allie turned into a cherished memory. I am not saying that it wasn't hard for Allie and for me, but Mrs. Mujica brought light where darkness could have reigned. In fact, Allie wants to be a Kindergarten teacher one day.
On this day, a day that holds significant importance, we need to stop and think about the Mrs. Mujica's. We often reflect only on the negative and overlook the positive. Whoever wins this election we will still be here. There will still be poor people, sick people, hurting people. This world will still need light. So, as the election comes to a close this evening and we all learn who will lead us, let us not focus on the dark, the negative. Let us see the positive, let us be the light where we see darkness.
Mrs. Mujica died when Allie was in 6th grade. It was a tragic loss, not only for her young family, but for the many children and families she touched. Even though she is not here to continue lighting our world, I know my family shines brighter because of her. I wonder how many lives Allie will shine light into because of knowing Mrs. Mujica.
Allie from the time she could speak had a very firm grasp on right and wrong and fair and unfair. I know she is not that different from most kids at that age, but she verbalized her opinions much stronger than most kids her age. So walking into a traditional kindergarten classroom was a shock.
Allie was taller than most five year olds, but extremely skinny. I would buy dresses several sizes big to get the length, and then the dress would just wrap around her little body. So when she came running down the hill from the bus stop, she would billow! It was quite amusing. What wasn't so amusing was the big note that inevitably would be pinned to her chest. She would always jump in my arms needing to be held and reassured after a day away from me. After that, and while she was snacking, I would read the note. "Allie was on yellow today because she would not put her work away when it was circle time." That was the gist of all the notes. I would sit down with her and ask about what happened. She would cry and explain that she wasn't through yet and Mrs. Kelsey always said to finish your work before you moved on. I would calmly explain that Mrs. Postal's class was different. "But it is unfair!" would ultimately pour out of this little girl's mouth. I would hold her as she would then spill every unfair thing that had happened that day. You see, Allie didn't just observe the unfairness around her, she felt it. Physically. She would absorb all that unfairness and wrongness, and then come home to let it out on me. Yes, to say that kindergarten was a hard year would be an understatement.
This is the narrative of Allie's kindergarten experience that gets retold. But there is another narrative that lurks there under the surface. Mrs. Postal had a full-time aid, Mrs. Mujica. Mrs. Mujica saw Allie. She saw the bright little girl who stored hurts, just like she did. She saw the leader in Allie, the resilience, the bravery, the heart. She became Allie's champion. Often, when Mrs. Mujica could see that Allie was struggling, she would take Allie with her on "errands". She would talk to her and build her up. Almost as often as a note was pinned on Allie's chest, a note would be tucked in Allie's lunchbox. This note would be from Mrs. Mujica. "Allie, what a great smile you had today as you worked. I noticed you helping Sara. Thank you. Love, Mrs. Mujica" She wanted Allie to know that she was good and that the goodness had been seen. Mrs. Mujica was a pet lover, so when we got Sunshine, they bonded over their dogs. I think Mrs. Mujica played a big role in Allie coming to accept Sunshine, actually.
What could have been a terrible experience for Allie turned into a cherished memory. I am not saying that it wasn't hard for Allie and for me, but Mrs. Mujica brought light where darkness could have reigned. In fact, Allie wants to be a Kindergarten teacher one day.
On this day, a day that holds significant importance, we need to stop and think about the Mrs. Mujica's. We often reflect only on the negative and overlook the positive. Whoever wins this election we will still be here. There will still be poor people, sick people, hurting people. This world will still need light. So, as the election comes to a close this evening and we all learn who will lead us, let us not focus on the dark, the negative. Let us see the positive, let us be the light where we see darkness.
Mrs. Mujica died when Allie was in 6th grade. It was a tragic loss, not only for her young family, but for the many children and families she touched. Even though she is not here to continue lighting our world, I know my family shines brighter because of her. I wonder how many lives Allie will shine light into because of knowing Mrs. Mujica.
Monday, November 5, 2012
Menu Monday
Back when I was writing regularly on my blog, I had certain subjects for specific days. Menu Monday, Wordless Wednesday, and Thankful Thursday. I know that many of my friends are busy mothers, busy business people, well, just busy. I know that I am always looking for new and easy recipes to cook. Now, that I am home, I have more time to research ideas and make plans. Even though I am home and I have time, I do not like to spend a lot of time in the kitchen making dinner. So I think I will start back publishing our menu plan, in hopes that it will give my friends some ideas. Pinterest has offered us many new and exciting dinner options. I have enjoyed finding new blogs that offer great meal options. I hope you will enjoy.
Sunday - Crispy Chicken Wraps These are really delicious. They are pretty high in calorie, so we didn't add a side dish to this.
Monday - Chicken Tortilla Soup LOVE this soup!!!
Southwest Salad This salad is great by itself with grilled chicken or not!
Tuesday - Taco Cupcakes This girl has some awesome low cal ideas!
Wednesday - Leftovers
Thursday - Barbecue Chicken Breasts
Roasted Zucchini and Broccoli
Friday - Hamburgers
Sweet Potato Fries
Saturday - Quesadilla
That is what we are having this week, what about you?
Sunday - Crispy Chicken Wraps These are really delicious. They are pretty high in calorie, so we didn't add a side dish to this.
Monday - Chicken Tortilla Soup LOVE this soup!!!
Southwest Salad This salad is great by itself with grilled chicken or not!
Tuesday - Taco Cupcakes This girl has some awesome low cal ideas!
Wednesday - Leftovers
Thursday - Barbecue Chicken Breasts
Roasted Zucchini and Broccoli
Friday - Hamburgers
Sweet Potato Fries
Saturday - Quesadilla
That is what we are having this week, what about you?
Monday, October 22, 2012
My House
I love my home. It is not anything fancy. It would by no means be featured in an upcoming Southern Living, but it is just right for me. I have lived in many houses over the years. Houses in the country, houses in town, and houses in cities. Houses with one story, two stories, and four stories. Some of the houses I have gotten to paint, choose carpet, choose wallpaper, etc. Others I have had to make do with what was there. I have had favorites. I loved the second house we lived in when we where in Bethesda. It was old and had little nooks here and there. But it only had one and half baths. The thing was, none of the houses belonged to us. We were renting them or they were parsonages. When we moved to Raleigh, we were finally able to buy our own home. We were excited and scared. Jack read the book "Buying Houses for Dummies". He did all the numbers and came up with what he thought we could afford. He patiently explained to me that just because the bank said we could borrow more, that didn't mean we could afford more. I was frustrated with him...but now I am so thankful he did his homework!
Finally the day came for us to actually start looking. We had one day allotted to find a home. Our fabulous realtor, Tom Hawkins, had done his homework as well. He knew our price range and basically what we were looking for and found several listings for us to look at. Tom was tickled by my "looking" method. I usually walked inside the house and said either "no" or "well, let's look". He didn't get it. He wanted me to articulate "my feeling". But I couldn't, I just had a "feeling" about the house. It started getting late in the day before we got to the Cary area. We drove by one listing and loved the neighborhood, and the outside of the house. But unfortunately we couldn't see the house that day. We drove over to another house which we also liked and toured it. I liked it. It was nice. Two things though. I didn't get "the feeling" when I walked in and the owners were selling because the wife had arthritis and was having trouble with all the steps (it was a split level). That concerned me because I was starting to have trouble with arthritis myself. Jack and I finally decided to push our departure back one more day. The next morning we walked into the house we hadn't seen. Immediately, I knew it was our home. I loved how the entryway was tall and open and well lit. It really welcomed you into the house. The master was on the first floor which was also a big bonus. It was a bit on the small side. It only had a great room, not a separate living space. But we knew this was the one. Luckily for us it all worked out.
Over the years I have painted every room except for the dining room and Stephen's room. I totally redid my kitchen myself. Okay, Okay, yes I have had some help painting and redoing my kitchen! Thank you Nancy, Mike, Kevin, Grace, Janet, Donnie, Phil, Lou and Allison. These people have taught me new skills and helped me complete tasks when either my ability or my body was not capable. I have enjoyed making this house ours.
When the kids started getting older, we started considering moving to a larger house. We even looked into buying a home with an in-law suite and have Jack's mom move in with us. But we quickly decided we couldn't afford a house big enough to accommodate our privacy. :-) So we stayed. Now as the house is starting to empty of our kids, the house is feeling just the right size. Of course I do think of the days when we will have spouses and grandchildren. But, I think we can pull it off. Plus, the majority of time we will be here alone. We also from time to time think about moving into Raleigh so Jack's commute could be shorter. But we keep coming back to we love our neighbors and I love the smallness of Cary. Plus, I love my little home.
The house is starting to show wear and tear. As we were cleaning yesterday, we noticed how disgusting the carpet on the stairs is becoming. We are doing a special cleaning because we have a guest coming tomorrow. It is interesting to me that when I have guest, I see my house so differently. Suddenly I see everything that is wrong with it. I am not as happy with it as I was just the day before. I spent most of my adult life to this point worrying about what others would think about my house. I didn't want people to be disgusted by it. Think I was lazy because it wasn't perfectly cleaned and decorated.
The older I get, the easier it is for me to turn off those voices. I do the best I can. Sure, there are dog hairs around, and yes, sometimes it looks like lots of small dogs, but I am also busy being creative. I am busy writing this blog. I am busy making memories with my family. I am busy resting and taking care of my body. Honestly, I don't invite a lot of people into my home. The ones I do, love me for me. They know my limitations and look past them.
So, yea, I love my little home. And I am not going to let my perfectionistic voice get in the way of that. One day Stephen's room will be painted, the dining room will be painted, the carpet on the stairs will be removed, and I will be able to hire someone to do what I cannot. But until then, I will listen to the sounds of my children playing tag in my house, the sounds of squeals as the kids play with Sunshine, the sounds of us reading aloud, the sounds of a happy family.
Finally the day came for us to actually start looking. We had one day allotted to find a home. Our fabulous realtor, Tom Hawkins, had done his homework as well. He knew our price range and basically what we were looking for and found several listings for us to look at. Tom was tickled by my "looking" method. I usually walked inside the house and said either "no" or "well, let's look". He didn't get it. He wanted me to articulate "my feeling". But I couldn't, I just had a "feeling" about the house. It started getting late in the day before we got to the Cary area. We drove by one listing and loved the neighborhood, and the outside of the house. But unfortunately we couldn't see the house that day. We drove over to another house which we also liked and toured it. I liked it. It was nice. Two things though. I didn't get "the feeling" when I walked in and the owners were selling because the wife had arthritis and was having trouble with all the steps (it was a split level). That concerned me because I was starting to have trouble with arthritis myself. Jack and I finally decided to push our departure back one more day. The next morning we walked into the house we hadn't seen. Immediately, I knew it was our home. I loved how the entryway was tall and open and well lit. It really welcomed you into the house. The master was on the first floor which was also a big bonus. It was a bit on the small side. It only had a great room, not a separate living space. But we knew this was the one. Luckily for us it all worked out.
| This is our house BEFORE it was painted! |
Over the years I have painted every room except for the dining room and Stephen's room. I totally redid my kitchen myself. Okay, Okay, yes I have had some help painting and redoing my kitchen! Thank you Nancy, Mike, Kevin, Grace, Janet, Donnie, Phil, Lou and Allison. These people have taught me new skills and helped me complete tasks when either my ability or my body was not capable. I have enjoyed making this house ours.
When the kids started getting older, we started considering moving to a larger house. We even looked into buying a home with an in-law suite and have Jack's mom move in with us. But we quickly decided we couldn't afford a house big enough to accommodate our privacy. :-) So we stayed. Now as the house is starting to empty of our kids, the house is feeling just the right size. Of course I do think of the days when we will have spouses and grandchildren. But, I think we can pull it off. Plus, the majority of time we will be here alone. We also from time to time think about moving into Raleigh so Jack's commute could be shorter. But we keep coming back to we love our neighbors and I love the smallness of Cary. Plus, I love my little home.
The house is starting to show wear and tear. As we were cleaning yesterday, we noticed how disgusting the carpet on the stairs is becoming. We are doing a special cleaning because we have a guest coming tomorrow. It is interesting to me that when I have guest, I see my house so differently. Suddenly I see everything that is wrong with it. I am not as happy with it as I was just the day before. I spent most of my adult life to this point worrying about what others would think about my house. I didn't want people to be disgusted by it. Think I was lazy because it wasn't perfectly cleaned and decorated.
The older I get, the easier it is for me to turn off those voices. I do the best I can. Sure, there are dog hairs around, and yes, sometimes it looks like lots of small dogs, but I am also busy being creative. I am busy writing this blog. I am busy making memories with my family. I am busy resting and taking care of my body. Honestly, I don't invite a lot of people into my home. The ones I do, love me for me. They know my limitations and look past them.
So, yea, I love my little home. And I am not going to let my perfectionistic voice get in the way of that. One day Stephen's room will be painted, the dining room will be painted, the carpet on the stairs will be removed, and I will be able to hire someone to do what I cannot. But until then, I will listen to the sounds of my children playing tag in my house, the sounds of squeals as the kids play with Sunshine, the sounds of us reading aloud, the sounds of a happy family.
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