Friday, October 19, 2012


I find myself at a place in my life where I am happy, content, and at peace.  I haven't always been here.  I fell into the trap of "the grass is greener" mindset for several years.  I also played the blame game.  It was Jack's fault, the church's fault, my health's fault, my children's fault, you name it, it was their faults!  But then my life became much simpler and I suddenly found the answer for me.

I have every right in the world to be angry about how my body has betrayed me.  Friends my age are starting to feel the things I started feeling at 20!  My peers health-wise are 70 year olds.  So, yeah, I have a right to be pissed.  I didn't choose this, I didn't ask for this, and I didn't do anything to cause it.

My children are on the precipice of leaving our home.  Stephen is already gone and Allie will leave next fall.  My role of being an everyday mom is closing down.  Allie is driving and working and self-sufficient.  I have no responsibilities in her everyday life.  I could be very depressed about this.  The past twenty years of my life revolved around them and their needs.  There is a hole there.

With Jack's career change, came a change in money.  Money is tight.  We watch every penny and make many sacrifices.  I could blame Jack for leaving a stable job.

I would venture to guess that all of you have a list as well.  Bad jobs, little money, illness, loneliness, hate where you live, don't have the life you thought you would have at this stage in life, the list goes on.  Maybe you blame your current circumstances on Obama.  I hear from a lot of people on facebook and the tv that seem to do just that.  Maybe you blame your spouse, your children, etc.

I wonder what our lives  would be like if we stopped blaming, stopped being mad, and made a different choice.  Yes, you have a choice.  Okay, maybe you have to keep your current job.  Maybe you can't change your living situation.  Most can't change their health.  So you feel trapped.  But are you?

What I have learned in recent years is that I do have a choice.  I can choose to be gloomy and angry or I can choose the find the joy in my life.  It isn't always easy.  In fact, sometimes it can be downright impossible.  But, I challenge you to keep digging.

My health has given me the opportunity to meet many wonderful people.  I have met other patients whose lives have enriched my own.  I have met healthcare professionals whom I really care about.  My health has given me the opportunity to live a more simple life.

Watching my children get ready to fly out of our nest has given me such joy.  It is nice to see the fruits of those long years when they were young.  It has brought me time.  Now that they don't need me as much, I have time to pursue my own passions.  Most of all, I see the potential friends I will have in them as they reach adulthood.

Jack's career change has brought me Jack.  Yes, money is tight, but we are doing this together now.  We have time to look for creative ways to spend our time without spending our money.  We have rediscovered each other.  So, money?  As long as we can pay our bills, I am okay.

You see, if you view your life as choices you make, you feel more empowered.  And when you feel empowered, you can find peace and joy.  So, where are you feeling trapped right now?  Who are you blaming?  I hope you will take some time and breathe and look at the situation again.  Find the joy in your situation.

Blaming Obama or your spouse is not going to bring you joy.  Only you can do that.


  1. Beautiful and inspiring, Kaki. I love the way the simple way it's written mirrors the simpler life you have now. This makes me think about the things I blame. I think my two worst scapegoats are lack of time and Karl Rove. One question ... if the election turns out badly, from my point of view, I'd like to blame Romney for all my future problems. That's okay, isn't it? xo, M.

  2. It rained here today ... I blame Obama. ;-)
    Thanks for this. I am hoping to land in a happy place myself. Been working on it.