This past week has been very interesting in our home. For my non-facebook readers, my husband appeared on the Bill O'Reilly show on Monday and debated the existence of Hell with Bill himself. The aftermath of that show has brought interesting moments of sadness, anger, joy and surprise. Almost immediately after the show aired, Jack's email began to fill with notes of outrage, urges to become saved, warnings of "heretical behavior", accusations of being "the face of evil", and my favorite - revelations of "I can tell you are a gay man looking for a loophole". Uh-oh, that was news to me!
I am currently reading Jane Smiley's The All-True Travels and Adventures of Lidie Newton. Lidie has moved to the west with other settlers to develop Kansas territory. She and her husband are arguing about how to conduct themselves and whether they should acknowledge that they are abolitionists or just try to "get along with everyone else". Lidie is scared that she and her husband will be killed and is urging him to just get along. This is part of her speech,
"Husband, you are in the West now, not in Boston. Don't you realize the westerners hate abolitionists? Abolitionists are people who...who...who keep turning over rocks and making everyone else look at what's under there or, worse, smell it and touch it. Abolitionists won't let anyone alone. Westerners hate that."
This is what my husband does, he keeps turning over rocks and urging us to look under them, touch it, smell it, so that then, we may not turn a blind eye. He will not let society alone. He will continue turning over rocks and championing those whose voices aren't heard until all rocks have been overturned. He is my hero. Thank you Jack, for continuing to turn over rocks with me and teaching me as we go.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Love Thursday, revived
I came to blogging because of my knitting. I used to read 20 different blogs everyday on knitting. Now I really just read 3. One of those is Shiree's "She Knits Shizknits". I find her funny and I love hearing about the antics of her 2 beautiful boys. It has been interesting following her, because her interests in knitting began to dwindle about the time mine did. Not that we don't both still knit...well, I guess she does...but our blogs took a different turn. She went off into Yoga...ahem...not me!!! And now she is into DIY. As you all know, I love this topic!! So it has been fun to follow her.
6. My husband. He is there when I need to whine. He is there when I need a hug. He is there to talk seriously about topics when I am bored out of my mind from laying around. He is there with his quick wit to make me laugh when all I can do is cry. I just adore him.
7. Watching my daughter's free laughter and seeing her laugh at herself with her friends. Her smile could light up a city!
She inspired me at the beginning to start my own "Love Thursdays". I really enjoyed doing that. It helped me to stop and smell the roses if you will. I became more observant in my week. So, she recently reinstated "Love Thursday" and I am going to follow her lead!
This week I am loving:
1. My boy coming home for Easter! His hugs are the best. His carefree spirit is so inspiring. His bravery is admirable.
2. Friends who are there for me when I just need some company.
3. Finding new authors and new books although this is not the way I wish to do it.
4. Discovering the gift of a friend...her first novel...then her bringing me a stack of books and not one have I read before.
5. Having my writing rekindled by this friend's story.
6. My husband. He is there when I need to whine. He is there when I need a hug. He is there to talk seriously about topics when I am bored out of my mind from laying around. He is there with his quick wit to make me laugh when all I can do is cry. I just adore him.
7. Watching my daughter's free laughter and seeing her laugh at herself with her friends. Her smile could light up a city!8. I know this is a bit odd. But I am loving my doctors and nurses this week. I am blessed to have 2 doctors who really care and show true concern about me and my health. I wish it wasn't like this, but since it is, I am so thankful to have found Dr. Carlson and Dr. Barish!
This is what I am loving this week, how about you?
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Allie's 16th Birthday
Today's post is actually stolen from a previous post in November on things I am thankful for. I felt in honor of her 16th birthday, it was a memory worth reliving. I've added a couple of photos. I hope you enjoy.
Today, I am thankful for Allie, my dear daughter. Jack really wanted to know the sex of our first baby, but I said NO! So to compromise, we found out early the sex of our second child. We were going to have a girl. I was so very excited and scared. Jack had named Stephen after someone special in his life, so I got to name the second child after someone special in my life. For that reason, I was very excited to have a girl, because I wanted to name her after my grandmother Eads. But, I realized even before I held her in my arms, that I would have such a huge responsibility to this little girl. I would need to be a woman she could look up to. I would need to exhibit the qualities I wanted her to have. The problem was, I didn't possess all those qualities. The transformation began while she was still inside me. I started making small changes in my life that were huge. My confidence grew in many areas.
The moment they placed her in my arms, I found out that your heart really can grow in an instant. My fears of not being able to love another child went out the window. My heart grew and took her in. It was a peaceful time too. Her delivery was easy and smooth, and she did not have to be whisked away like Stephen. So we had her first few minutes alone together. She also became hungry almost immediately! She has been hungry for life ever since.
This little girl was almost everything I was not. She was girly from the moment she could move on her own. Dolls, dress-up, PINK, and kitchens were her obsessions. She did not really enjoy being outside and sweating or getting dirty. She was strong. She knew her mind and was not shy about letting everyone know it. She was smart and witty. Yes, all of this showed up by the age of 3! I was in awe. I adored this little ball of pink.
My daughter is the bravest person I know. She was born with a facial assymetry, and a discoloration on the left side of her body. When she was little, we encountered many stupid, mean people. As she has grown, the differences are much less noticeable, yet she still encounters stupid people occasionally. Where many teen girls would wear their hair over their face, slouch, and not hold their head high, my daughter stands tall, holds her head high and walks with a confidence I can only dream of. I am amazed by her. She inspires me daily to be my best me. She inspires me to be brave in the face of stupidity.
Yes, we have our teen-mom moments. Yes, sometimes she makes me so mad I want to scream, and vice-versa I am sure. But this girl, I would not trade her for all the gold in China. She was a miracle baby. I should not have gotten pregnant, but God had different plans. God knew that this little girl and I needed each other. God knew I needed her to teach me.
Allie, I love you more than the sky is blue, more than the mountain is tall, more than the sun is bright. Thank you for teaching me all that you have so far. I look forward to watching you grow and seeing where life takes you. Just know that I am here. that I love you. that you are special. mom
Today, I am thankful for Allie, my dear daughter. Jack really wanted to know the sex of our first baby, but I said NO! So to compromise, we found out early the sex of our second child. We were going to have a girl. I was so very excited and scared. Jack had named Stephen after someone special in his life, so I got to name the second child after someone special in my life. For that reason, I was very excited to have a girl, because I wanted to name her after my grandmother Eads. But, I realized even before I held her in my arms, that I would have such a huge responsibility to this little girl. I would need to be a woman she could look up to. I would need to exhibit the qualities I wanted her to have. The problem was, I didn't possess all those qualities. The transformation began while she was still inside me. I started making small changes in my life that were huge. My confidence grew in many areas.
The moment they placed her in my arms, I found out that your heart really can grow in an instant. My fears of not being able to love another child went out the window. My heart grew and took her in. It was a peaceful time too. Her delivery was easy and smooth, and she did not have to be whisked away like Stephen. So we had her first few minutes alone together. She also became hungry almost immediately! She has been hungry for life ever since.
This little girl was almost everything I was not. She was girly from the moment she could move on her own. Dolls, dress-up, PINK, and kitchens were her obsessions. She did not really enjoy being outside and sweating or getting dirty. She was strong. She knew her mind and was not shy about letting everyone know it. She was smart and witty. Yes, all of this showed up by the age of 3! I was in awe. I adored this little ball of pink.
My daughter is the bravest person I know. She was born with a facial assymetry, and a discoloration on the left side of her body. When she was little, we encountered many stupid, mean people. As she has grown, the differences are much less noticeable, yet she still encounters stupid people occasionally. Where many teen girls would wear their hair over their face, slouch, and not hold their head high, my daughter stands tall, holds her head high and walks with a confidence I can only dream of. I am amazed by her. She inspires me daily to be my best me. She inspires me to be brave in the face of stupidity.
Yes, we have our teen-mom moments. Yes, sometimes she makes me so mad I want to scream, and vice-versa I am sure. But this girl, I would not trade her for all the gold in China. She was a miracle baby. I should not have gotten pregnant, but God had different plans. God knew that this little girl and I needed each other. God knew I needed her to teach me.
Allie, I love you more than the sky is blue, more than the mountain is tall, more than the sun is bright. Thank you for teaching me all that you have so far. I look forward to watching you grow and seeing where life takes you. Just know that I am here. that I love you. that you are special. mom
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY SWEET GIRLIE GIRL!
Monday, February 14, 2011
A Silly Love Story
Once upon a time, there was a young girl, a silly young girl. A girl who laughed in an unusual way and at inopportune times. A sweet girl, a girl who loved her friends and her college. A girl who had a plan. A life plan by which she would live her life. This silly young girl loved plans. She loved writing out her plan for each day knowing that those days led up to the big plan, the overarching plan. She met a boy her freshman year. A silly boy who broke appointments with her. A boy who stayed up late and slept in. A boy who had big ideas for the leadership of his school. The girl didn't think much about him, but there was always something. Something she couldn't quite see. The girl continued down her path all planned out. She spent the summer working and writing all her college friends wherever they were that summer. All except the silly boy who never gave her his address. When school started back the silly boy went to the silly girl and asked why she hadn't written. The silly girl made a smart remark and they laughed. But there was something. Something she couldn't quite see. The silly boy became president of his class and the silly girl was the secretary. They had meetings and often the boy would walk the girl and her friend home. The silly girl began work at the library. She noticed the silly boy hanging out. Often the silly boy seemed to be leaving the library at the same time she was, so they would walk together. They talked, they laughed, and there was something. Something she couldn't quite see. Secretly the silly girl got off her plan. She began to see another boy, not a silly boy, not a nice boy. She realized this but felt trapped. She was scared and began to share with the silly boy. He listened so intently, but never gave advice. One night after a meeting, the silly girl was in the elevator with her friend. The friend said, "you know the silly boy likes you." The silly girl laughed and laughed. But there was something. Something she couldn't quite see. Soon after that, the silly boy offered the silly girl an escape. Go out with him, the silly boy. So, she did.
The silly girl began to like the silly boy. There was just something. Something she couldn't quite see. The silly boy and silly girl started spending all their free time together. They talked and talked about everything. They laughed and laughed. The silly girl pretended to like staying up late at night. She pretended to really like watching sports on TV. The silly boy suspected, but didn't care, because she was sitting by him and that was all that mattered. The silly girl got sick and had to leave school without saying goodbye to the silly boy. So the silly boy went to her house. It was then that the silly girl KNEW there was something. But she still couldn't quite see. They continued dating after returning to school until one day, the silly girl SAW. She saw the something. She saw it LOUD AND CLEAR. The silly girl never wanted to be apart from the silly boy ever. The something was LOVE. This scared the silly girl, because this was not her life plan. The silly boy was not who she planned on marrying. He was a MINISTERIAL STUDENT. The silly girl was NOT going to marry a MINISTERIAL STUDENT. Plus she wasn't supposed to get married till she was out of college for a year or two. She wasn't supposed to meet the boy until her junior year! The silly boy was wrecking the silly girl's life plan. So, the silly girl broke up with the silly boy.
Unlike the previous boy, the not nice boy, the silly boy was a boy of integrity. He had given his word that he would go to watch the silly girl's younger brother play basketball, and he was going. On the drive to the silly girl's house, it was silent. There was little talk, little laughter. Not silly at all. After dinner, the silly girl's grandmother said to the silly girl, "He is the one." The silly girl gasped and said, "I hope not, because I just broke up with him." "Well, you better fix that," replied the silly girl's grandmother. So, on the way home that night, the silly girl pleaded with the silly boy to take her back. She didn't want to be without him. The silly boy smiled, and said yes, because the silly boy knew all along that the silly girl was scared, but he didn't care because she was right beside him and that was all that mattered.
The silly girl and the silly boy got married and became the silly woman and the silly man. Together they had a silly baby boy and a silly baby girl. They still talk and talk and laugh and laugh. The silly woman still pretends sometimes to love watching sports on TV, and the silly man knows. But it is okay because she is sitting right beside him and that is all that matters.
THE END
The silly girl began to like the silly boy. There was just something. Something she couldn't quite see. The silly boy and silly girl started spending all their free time together. They talked and talked about everything. They laughed and laughed. The silly girl pretended to like staying up late at night. She pretended to really like watching sports on TV. The silly boy suspected, but didn't care, because she was sitting by him and that was all that mattered. The silly girl got sick and had to leave school without saying goodbye to the silly boy. So the silly boy went to her house. It was then that the silly girl KNEW there was something. But she still couldn't quite see. They continued dating after returning to school until one day, the silly girl SAW. She saw the something. She saw it LOUD AND CLEAR. The silly girl never wanted to be apart from the silly boy ever. The something was LOVE. This scared the silly girl, because this was not her life plan. The silly boy was not who she planned on marrying. He was a MINISTERIAL STUDENT. The silly girl was NOT going to marry a MINISTERIAL STUDENT. Plus she wasn't supposed to get married till she was out of college for a year or two. She wasn't supposed to meet the boy until her junior year! The silly boy was wrecking the silly girl's life plan. So, the silly girl broke up with the silly boy.
Unlike the previous boy, the not nice boy, the silly boy was a boy of integrity. He had given his word that he would go to watch the silly girl's younger brother play basketball, and he was going. On the drive to the silly girl's house, it was silent. There was little talk, little laughter. Not silly at all. After dinner, the silly girl's grandmother said to the silly girl, "He is the one." The silly girl gasped and said, "I hope not, because I just broke up with him." "Well, you better fix that," replied the silly girl's grandmother. So, on the way home that night, the silly girl pleaded with the silly boy to take her back. She didn't want to be without him. The silly boy smiled, and said yes, because the silly boy knew all along that the silly girl was scared, but he didn't care because she was right beside him and that was all that mattered.
The silly girl and the silly boy got married and became the silly woman and the silly man. Together they had a silly baby boy and a silly baby girl. They still talk and talk and laugh and laugh. The silly woman still pretends sometimes to love watching sports on TV, and the silly man knows. But it is okay because she is sitting right beside him and that is all that matters.
THE END
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Poetry
You invited me in, and poured me some tea.
I sat, listened and held your hand.
You poured out your soul,
I poured out mine.
And now there is nothing.
A big blank hole.
I don't usually venture out to others' homes.
I keep to myself and those trusted few.
But out I came and bared my soul.
Out I came and took on your pain.
And now there is nothing.
A big blank hole.
I am left standing with your pain in my heart.
I am left holding a forgotten promise.
A piece of my soul is out there.
I am too trusting, but ne'er again.
And now there is nothing.
A big blank hole.
I sat, listened and held your hand.
You poured out your soul,
I poured out mine.
And now there is nothing.
A big blank hole.
I don't usually venture out to others' homes.
I keep to myself and those trusted few.
But out I came and bared my soul.
Out I came and took on your pain.
And now there is nothing.
A big blank hole.
I am left standing with your pain in my heart.
I am left holding a forgotten promise.
A piece of my soul is out there.
I am too trusting, but ne'er again.
And now there is nothing.
A big blank hole.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Breathing in 2011
Maybe this year I will just post on the first day of the month! Ha!! It is funny, I can go through periods where a blog post come into my head every day, and then times when I forget I have a blog. :-) I want to develop my writing, and to do so, I need to write everyday. EVERY. DAY. hmmmmmm.........
I just reread my post for the beginning of 2011. It seems that I was very prescient. "Let go." Wow, who knew those 2 little words could have such an impact on my life. I wrote that I would like to "Let go" more in 2011. Well, almost immediately, I have been provided with many opportunities to practice. And well, let's just say my grade right now is in the "D" range.
I have written about these same areas so many times. I have struggled with them so many times. And I get so angry at myself now because once again I am giving my power away. Once again I am allowing fear to rule my thoughts and emotions. Once again.....so I am not going to write about them here. I am not going to let these issues reign in my life.
I am going to breathe in...................and feel my body filling with oxygen and air
then as I slowly exhale.....................I will let those fears go
breathe in............................feel my body expanding
exhale.........................let the betrayals go
breathe in.....................and listen to the silence as I hold
then exhale....................let those people go
breathe in.....................and feel my heart beating
exhale........................let go of the bitterness
breathe in...........................feel the warmth spreading
exhale........................let go of the negative
breathe in.................feel the positive energy
exhale.......................let the pain go
breathe in...................feel the healing begin.
How about you? Do you have something you just can't let go? Does it creep into your life continually? How do you handle it?
For now, I'll just keep breathing........
I just reread my post for the beginning of 2011. It seems that I was very prescient. "Let go." Wow, who knew those 2 little words could have such an impact on my life. I wrote that I would like to "Let go" more in 2011. Well, almost immediately, I have been provided with many opportunities to practice. And well, let's just say my grade right now is in the "D" range.
I have written about these same areas so many times. I have struggled with them so many times. And I get so angry at myself now because once again I am giving my power away. Once again I am allowing fear to rule my thoughts and emotions. Once again.....so I am not going to write about them here. I am not going to let these issues reign in my life.
I am going to breathe in...................and feel my body filling with oxygen and air
then as I slowly exhale.....................I will let those fears go
breathe in............................feel my body expanding
exhale.........................let the betrayals go
breathe in.....................and listen to the silence as I hold
then exhale....................let those people go
breathe in.....................and feel my heart beating
exhale........................let go of the bitterness
breathe in...........................feel the warmth spreading
exhale........................let go of the negative
breathe in.................feel the positive energy
exhale.......................let the pain go
breathe in...................feel the healing begin.
How about you? Do you have something you just can't let go? Does it creep into your life continually? How do you handle it?
For now, I'll just keep breathing........
Saturday, January 1, 2011
A New Year
Almost every blogger is writing a post today about the upcoming new year and what their hopes and dreams are. I guess I am no different. January 1st is always a good time to stop and think about the future and the path you are on. And to see if changes need to be made.
I am currently entering the 2nd half of my life. I am asking lots of questions. What makes me happy? What brings me joy? How can I live each day to its fullest? How can I be even more present in the "present"? I have some answers, I have found a job that I can do that makes me feel good about my part in our family. I have found that spending time with my husband doing just normal things, makes me happy and brings me joy. Raking the leaves together, browsing through a scrap store together these are what make me happy. What brings me ultimate joy is the love of my family. I have 2 children who have really grown up this year and have been able to articulate their love and appreciation. I have a husband who gets me, and yet still loves me. wow!
But there are still lots to learn, lots of ways to grow. And I welcome that, even though I know that means pain along the way. It seems like growth always includes some degree of pain. But in the second half of my life I now know that the pain won't last forever, and one day, there will be rebirth. So now, I can hold onto that.
As I enter 2011, I want to learn to be more real, to love more, to let go, to savor the moments. What are your wishes and hopes this year?
Happy New Years!
I am currently entering the 2nd half of my life. I am asking lots of questions. What makes me happy? What brings me joy? How can I live each day to its fullest? How can I be even more present in the "present"? I have some answers, I have found a job that I can do that makes me feel good about my part in our family. I have found that spending time with my husband doing just normal things, makes me happy and brings me joy. Raking the leaves together, browsing through a scrap store together these are what make me happy. What brings me ultimate joy is the love of my family. I have 2 children who have really grown up this year and have been able to articulate their love and appreciation. I have a husband who gets me, and yet still loves me. wow!
But there are still lots to learn, lots of ways to grow. And I welcome that, even though I know that means pain along the way. It seems like growth always includes some degree of pain. But in the second half of my life I now know that the pain won't last forever, and one day, there will be rebirth. So now, I can hold onto that.
As I enter 2011, I want to learn to be more real, to love more, to let go, to savor the moments. What are your wishes and hopes this year?
Happy New Years!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)