I never have been good with writing every day, and counting down. So screw it, I will just write when I can! Afterall, it is MY blog, I can do what I damn well please!!! :-)
Today, I am thankful for Allie, my dear daughter. Jack really wanted to know the sex of our first baby, but I said NO! So to compromise, we found out early the sex of our second child. We were going to have a girl. I was so very excited and scared. Jack had named Stephen after someone special in his life, so I got to name the second child after someone special in my life. For that reason, I was very excited to have a girl, because I wanted to name her after my grandmother Eads. But, I realized even before I held her in my arms, that I would have such a huge responsibility to this little girl. I would need to be a woman she could look up to. I would need to exhibit the qualities I wanted her to have. The problem was, I didn't possess all those qualities. The transformation began while she was still inside me. I started making small changes in my life that were huge. My confidence grew in many areas.
The moment they placed her in my arms, I found out that your heart really can grow in an instant. My fears of not being able to love another child went out the window. My heart grew and took her in. It was a peaceful time too. Her delivery was easy and smooth, and she did not have to be whisked away like Stephen. So we had her first few minutes alone together. She also became hungry almost immediately! She has been hungry for life ever since.
This little girl was almost everything I was not. She was girly from the moment she could move on her own. Dolls, dress-up, PINK, and kitchens were her obsessions. She did not really enjoy being outside and sweating or getting dirty. She was strong. She knew her mind and was not shy about letting everyone know it. She was smart and witty. Yes, all of this showed up by the age of 3! I was in awe. I adored this little ball of pink.
My daughter is the bravest person I know. She was born with a facial assymetry, and a discoloration on the left side of her body. When she was little, we encountered many stupid, mean people. As she has grown, the differences are much less noticeable, yet she still encounters stupid people occasionally. Where many teen girls would wear their hair over their face, slouch, and not hold their head high, my daughter stands tall, holds her head high and walks with a confidence I can only dream of. I am amazed by her. She inspires me daily to be my best me. She inspires me to be brave in the face of stupidity.
Yes, we have our teen-mom moments. Yes, sometimes she makes me so mad I want to scream, and vice-versa I am sure. But this girl, I would not trade her for all the gold in China. She was a miracle baby. I should not have gotten pregnant, but God had different plans. God knew that this little girl and I needed each other. God knew I needed her to teach me.
Allie, I love you more than the sky is blue, more than the mountain is tall, more than the sun is bright. Thank you for teaching me all that you have so far. I look forward to watching you grow and seeing where life takes you. Just know that I am here. that I love you. that you are special. mom