Today my son turns 18. He is at college, and I am at home. This is the first birthday which I have not been with him. This is our first apart. We drove down last weekend to watch him play ball and to take him to lunch. But it was weird. It was different. We all felt it. He got a little choked up and I got, well, I cried.
I never gave much thought to that mother bird. I have always marveled at the baby birds and how they fly away from the nest and all the cool adventures they will have in life, but never gave a seconds notice to that mother. What must go through her mind? Well, after the relief of getting them fed, and all out of the nest, then what? Basically, she starts the next chapter of her life. Which for that bird is more eggs. Well, I am glad we differ there. I am not at all interested in starting another family, even if it was possible!
I am beginning a new chapter in my life. I am trying new things, planning new adventures, and trying to stay busy. I am excited about the possibilities that lay ahead.
Today...today it is not so easy. It is rainy and cool outside. It is the kind of day that both my boy and I hate. We really like the sun. Not the heat, but the sun. So, it is the kind of day we would snuggle up and watch a movie. Of course, as he got older, that would be him snuggled upstairs or over on the couch and me in my chair. Long gone are the days when he snuggled next to me. :-) We might still share a movie, but likely not. Still, we both knew there was someone else in the house that was battling the weather blues with them.
I miss my boy so terribly. Yet at the same time I am so very proud of him. I know it was time. I know he will succeed. I am living in the time of Happy/Sads as a friend recently told me. Happy that he is gone and doing well and sad that he is not still here with me. A time of change.
So today I will remember. Remember his birth story, his funny toddler stories, his school days, his baseball stories, his successes as well as his defeats. Then I will send forth into the universe my hopes for his future. Hopes of peace, love and tranquility. I will also probably be sure and hug the girl that is still here.
So, if your kids are still home, go hug them. If they aren't, well you know where I am.