Last night my daughter and I went to our annual Mother/Daughter Christmas Party. Due to everyone's busy schedules, it didn't happen before Christmas! This is a group of girls who have gotten together through church. They have all known each other since they were little, but didn't really become close until 6th or 7th grade. Now they are like sisters. What is nice is that the mothers all get along, and the girls don't mind if we are around some of the time. So the girls give each other homemade gifts every year, and the moms coordinate dinner and whose house. The girls sit in the middle of the floor with the moms all around watching. I think the moms spend more time watching the girls' faces and reactions than the actual gift opening. It is priceless to see these almost 15 year olds giggle and squeal with delight over their gifts. It is amazing to see the talent these girls posess. The thought each one puts into individual gifts is astounding. One girl chose a photo of her and the girl, then painted a wooden frame to match the girl's personality. Then she wrote phrases that reminded her of good times with that girl. Then, she wrapped the present in a theme. Like my daughter's was all pink, and then the wrapping had shoes, purses, fashion stuff on it. Another girl's was wrapped in music, and another in a bandana. Such creativity in this group.
I was struck with the ease and the confidence with which they offered these gifts of the heart. They didn't apologize, they didn't seem scared the gifts wouldn't be appreciated. The confidence of knowing their gifts would be loved by these girls was mind blowing.....I mean they are 15!!! The moms talked after the girls went down to the basement to watch a movie (in the "estrogen cave" a name they gave their newly remodeled theater room). We all felt the same....how lucky we were to be witness to that night. A couple of us have older children and we realize that our days are numbered. Maybe....who knows with this group. It will be interesting to see. All I know is that I am truly grateful my daughter has those girls in her life. What a blessing they are to her. I pray she will always have girlfriends like that near her.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Making Friends
Last night I was transported back in time about 18 years. This was the time in our lives when Jack was studying for his Ph.D. at Baylor University and I was teaching full-time and praying for a baby. We had just moved to Waco and were making friends. This was the first time we were making friends other than our college friends. We followed many of our friends to the same seminary. Don't get me wrong, we made other friends while in
Last night we returned to that era. It was the first time we had gone to dinner as a couple and not as the minister and his wife in a long time. The couple we were meeting have only been married 2 years, and have just recently left the world of grad school. So it was quite a trip back in time for us as we recounted those days with them. It was nice.
I wonder how nervous they were having us in their home. For the last year they had known us as the minister and his wife. We were intrigued by them and wanted to get to know them better, but we have a rule not to become friends with congregants, so we never followed up. When we left the church, they emailed and asked us if we would like to have dinner. Thus last night's dinner.
I don't know how nervous they were, but I know how nervous I was. I hadn't put myself out there like that in a long time. I have always had the minister's wife facade to hide behind, to protect my heart. Last night I laid it all out there. It was me, KaKi, they were seeing, and judging whether they wanted to befriend or not. It was scary, but they made it so easy. My nerves quickly calmed down as the conversation flowed. As we left, Jack and I agreed that we liked them. They both are well-educated and quite easy to talk to. They are interesting and have great stories. So then we start talking about how long do we wait to ask them out again? Don't want to seem too needy......too pesky.......then we burst into laughter. We sounded like teenagers asking someone out on a date! But it was fun, being Jack and KaKi in a social setting, making plans together to have fun with others.
This year holds lots of unknowns for us, but it also holds lots of promise and possibilities.....and hopefully new friends.
Last night we returned to that era. It was the first time we had gone to dinner as a couple and not as the minister and his wife in a long time. The couple we were meeting have only been married 2 years, and have just recently left the world of grad school. So it was quite a trip back in time for us as we recounted those days with them. It was nice.
I wonder how nervous they were having us in their home. For the last year they had known us as the minister and his wife. We were intrigued by them and wanted to get to know them better, but we have a rule not to become friends with congregants, so we never followed up. When we left the church, they emailed and asked us if we would like to have dinner. Thus last night's dinner.
I don't know how nervous they were, but I know how nervous I was. I hadn't put myself out there like that in a long time. I have always had the minister's wife facade to hide behind, to protect my heart. Last night I laid it all out there. It was me, KaKi, they were seeing, and judging whether they wanted to befriend or not. It was scary, but they made it so easy. My nerves quickly calmed down as the conversation flowed. As we left, Jack and I agreed that we liked them. They both are well-educated and quite easy to talk to. They are interesting and have great stories. So then we start talking about how long do we wait to ask them out again? Don't want to seem too needy......too pesky.......then we burst into laughter. We sounded like teenagers asking someone out on a date! But it was fun, being Jack and KaKi in a social setting, making plans together to have fun with others.
This year holds lots of unknowns for us, but it also holds lots of promise and possibilities.....and hopefully new friends.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Frogging
I taught myself to knit almost 6 years ago now. I began with scarves, shawls, and then moved to hats, mittens and eventually to socks. I love knitting socks. They are small projects that you can tote around easily and they are functional. Everyone I have given a pair to has just loved them. There is something about a hand-knitted pair of socks. I hope they feel the love I put into them, I hope that is the secret ingredient.
I did try a sweater 3 or 4 years ago with disastrous results. The sweater came out wide and short. Not a great fit. But it found a home with a short waisted friend who can use it to keep warm at home....not exactly a public wearing sweater. And for all I know she eventually gave it to goodwill, which would be fine with me. I didn't think I would ever knit another sweater. But then this pattern came along, February Lady Sweater, and I knew I had to make it. I printed the pattern and let it sit. It kept coming back up in my mind, so I used a gift-
I have a confession. I am a perfectionist, OCD, anal-type personality, whatever you want to call it. If I am going to do something, I want it to look right. This trait trips me up in life quite a bit. But in knitting and renovating my house, it has served a purpose.
Well, after spending many hours on this new sweater, I got to a point to where I could really look at it. I loved the yoke the increases were nicely done with no holes. The garter stitch looked even and cozy. But the buttonhole placement was all wrong. I had fussed and calculated and agonized over the buttonholes, but they were still not right. So I did what every knitter has done at some point in her knitting career. I frogged it and started over.
Frogging. My husband asked me what frogging meant and why that term. I really didn't know, so I looked it up. The term frog is used because you have to "rip it" out. Ha ha! I had no idea it had a funny connotation. I like that. Because frogging is painful, it hurts any knitter's being to have to undo hours of work.
In life we often have to frog and start over. Relationships, careers, etc. Sometimes we use the same yarn and pattern and just try again. Sometimes we use the same yarn and find a new pattern. Sometimes we have to abandon the yarn altogether because it is just too painful.
Well, this sweater is getting a second chance today. I will try once more to make it work. I have found in life that anything worthwhile, takes work and second chances.
I did try a sweater 3 or 4 years ago with disastrous results. The sweater came out wide and short. Not a great fit. But it found a home with a short waisted friend who can use it to keep warm at home....not exactly a public wearing sweater. And for all I know she eventually gave it to goodwill, which would be fine with me. I didn't think I would ever knit another sweater. But then this pattern came along, February Lady Sweater, and I knew I had to make it. I printed the pattern and let it sit. It kept coming back up in my mind, so I used a gift-
I have a confession. I am a perfectionist, OCD, anal-type personality, whatever you want to call it. If I am going to do something, I want it to look right. This trait trips me up in life quite a bit. But in knitting and renovating my house, it has served a purpose.
Well, after spending many hours on this new sweater, I got to a point to where I could really look at it. I loved the yoke the increases were nicely done with no holes. The garter stitch looked even and cozy. But the buttonhole placement was all wrong. I had fussed and calculated and agonized over the buttonholes, but they were still not right. So I did what every knitter has done at some point in her knitting career. I frogged it and started over.
Frogging. My husband asked me what frogging meant and why that term. I really didn't know, so I looked it up. The term frog is used because you have to "rip it" out. Ha ha! I had no idea it had a funny connotation. I like that. Because frogging is painful, it hurts any knitter's being to have to undo hours of work.
In life we often have to frog and start over. Relationships, careers, etc. Sometimes we use the same yarn and pattern and just try again. Sometimes we use the same yarn and find a new pattern. Sometimes we have to abandon the yarn altogether because it is just too painful.
Well, this sweater is getting a second chance today. I will try once more to make it work. I have found in life that anything worthwhile, takes work and second chances.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Teacher
This morning many students and teachers are getting up and returning to school for one more semester. I am no longer in those ranks. I no longer get up and go to work, or write lesson plans, or grade papers. I was an elementary school teacher for almost 20 years.
From the very beginning, I was sick more than the usual teacher. I took all the precautions I could, but when you work with kids, there are germs. I learned when to go on to school and tough it out and when it was quicker to stay home and let my body heal. My illnesses never got in the way of my teaching. I loved my job. I loved creating new ways to teach old ideas. It was exhilarating to see the light go on in the eye of the child who finally "got it". Or to watch the child who entered your classroom as an unruly, unable to read first grader, leave your room a well-mannered, and well-read third grader. (I taught multi-age classes) The feeling of the classroom as it settles into the day's work. The emotion as you read aloud a story and it comes to the climax. I miss these things.
Coming to the realization that my 150% was no longer even a typical person's 100% was a tough process. When we moved to NC, I began teaching part-time. My illnesses were no longer strep throats, sinus infections or the flu. I had been diagnosed with Crohn's Disease and I was spending several weeks a year in the hospital. So we decided that maybe part-time, would be better for my body. But my body began to hurt in other ways and I was diagnosed with Ankylosing Spondilytis, a debilitating arthritis. This was too much for me. I needed so much rest to be able to work just 4 hours a day and be mom to 2 small kids.
I remember some of the young teachers who didn't have kids yet, making comments about how nice it must be to leave at lunch. I wanted to tell them I would trade bodies with them in a heartbeat. They had no idea. They had no idea, that I went straight home and went to bed. Got up in time to pick up my kids from the bus stop, did the "mom" thing, made dinner, and put them to bed. I then climbed back into bed so I could get up and teach 4 hours the next day. I doubt this is what those young teachers had in mind when they made those comments. Of course, they were seeing what I couldn't yet. I was slipping. I was still giving everything I had, but it was no longer cutting it.
To go from being a teacher that mentored others, had college students in your classroom, had visiting teachers,and excellent reviews to one that could no longer perform, was devastating. It was a crushing blow to my ego. It has taken several years to get to the place where I am now. To see that I am not a failure, my body simply could not keep up. I had to make a choice. Go on being a mediocre teacher, and not being really present with my own kids, or do what was best for the students and my own family. So I quit. I retired.
For the first time I can write these words and not cry. I am no longer ashamed that I cannot work. I worked hard for many years past when most would have quit. But my body is my body. It can't help itself. So my life has changed. I am no longer an elementary teacher. I am now a stay-at-home mom. And you know, I love it. I am glad I have been here for my kids. Even now that they are in high school, I get glimpses of how my being at home helps them. I can carpool. I can have kids over to my house. I can enjoy them and my own kids more.
I have had to let go of my ego defining career. But in so doing, I have found me. I am no longer defined by what I do. I am defined by who I am.
What are you letting define you today? Is it something that could be gone in an instant? Who are you? As you go about your work today, I hope these thoughts will challenge you.
From the very beginning, I was sick more than the usual teacher. I took all the precautions I could, but when you work with kids, there are germs. I learned when to go on to school and tough it out and when it was quicker to stay home and let my body heal. My illnesses never got in the way of my teaching. I loved my job. I loved creating new ways to teach old ideas. It was exhilarating to see the light go on in the eye of the child who finally "got it". Or to watch the child who entered your classroom as an unruly, unable to read first grader, leave your room a well-mannered, and well-read third grader. (I taught multi-age classes) The feeling of the classroom as it settles into the day's work. The emotion as you read aloud a story and it comes to the climax. I miss these things.
Coming to the realization that my 150% was no longer even a typical person's 100% was a tough process. When we moved to NC, I began teaching part-time. My illnesses were no longer strep throats, sinus infections or the flu. I had been diagnosed with Crohn's Disease and I was spending several weeks a year in the hospital. So we decided that maybe part-time, would be better for my body. But my body began to hurt in other ways and I was diagnosed with Ankylosing Spondilytis, a debilitating arthritis. This was too much for me. I needed so much rest to be able to work just 4 hours a day and be mom to 2 small kids.
I remember some of the young teachers who didn't have kids yet, making comments about how nice it must be to leave at lunch. I wanted to tell them I would trade bodies with them in a heartbeat. They had no idea. They had no idea, that I went straight home and went to bed. Got up in time to pick up my kids from the bus stop, did the "mom" thing, made dinner, and put them to bed. I then climbed back into bed so I could get up and teach 4 hours the next day. I doubt this is what those young teachers had in mind when they made those comments. Of course, they were seeing what I couldn't yet. I was slipping. I was still giving everything I had, but it was no longer cutting it.
To go from being a teacher that mentored others, had college students in your classroom, had visiting teachers,and excellent reviews to one that could no longer perform, was devastating. It was a crushing blow to my ego. It has taken several years to get to the place where I am now. To see that I am not a failure, my body simply could not keep up. I had to make a choice. Go on being a mediocre teacher, and not being really present with my own kids, or do what was best for the students and my own family. So I quit. I retired.
For the first time I can write these words and not cry. I am no longer ashamed that I cannot work. I worked hard for many years past when most would have quit. But my body is my body. It can't help itself. So my life has changed. I am no longer an elementary teacher. I am now a stay-at-home mom. And you know, I love it. I am glad I have been here for my kids. Even now that they are in high school, I get glimpses of how my being at home helps them. I can carpool. I can have kids over to my house. I can enjoy them and my own kids more.
I have had to let go of my ego defining career. But in so doing, I have found me. I am no longer defined by what I do. I am defined by who I am.
What are you letting define you today? Is it something that could be gone in an instant? Who are you? As you go about your work today, I hope these thoughts will challenge you.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Packing boxes
I am sitting amid the inevitable. The empty boxes are staring at me in anticipation of being filled and the decorations are staring at me in disappointment that it is time to go. Oh the agony of being the one in the middle. I so enjoy the decorated house, the decorated tree, the lights. So much festivity emanates from these rooms. I love living in the exciting times. The purposeful times where the expectations are known. The traditions are set, everyone knows what to do. I like that. It feels ordered.
But the majority of life is not lived that way. It is lived in the "in between" moments, in the stripped down moments.
My husband announced in September that he no longer wanted to be a minister. That he wanted to "step down". This announcement really came as no surprise to me. I knew he was unhappy and I knew he wanted to do more. He struggled for a couple of years trying to discern what part of the job was causing the unrest, thinking a new job would cure it. But I knew in my heart that the answer was not in a new church, a new place, but a new career. He became ultimately clear about that in the fall, and left right before Thanksgiving.
Up to that time his life must have somewhat felt like Christmas all the time. Responsibilities, known expectations, and unknown, traditions to keep, places to go, people excited/upset, order of a sort. Then he sat amid the boxes. What next? You see, my brave husband resigned with no plan. Some say this is insane. Many in the church couldn't understand how he could leave with no idea of the future. This is not like my husband, he is our sole breadwinner, and he takes that job very seriously. But you see, it was the right thing to do. The church was at a crossroads, and he saw that. He saw that he couldn't really take a year to figure out what he was going to do while they suffered huge staff cuts. So he did the right thing and left now. Of course, this is like my husband. He acts. Once he has figured something out in his mind, he goes for it. There is no second guessing. There are no regrets. I admire that about him.
But back to the boxes. So he packs up his "old life", and along the way catches glimpses of what the "new life" could look like. Then Christmas came and our life was decorated and busy. It was easy to not think about the future as we went about the many plans and activities of the season. It was exhilarating to have him present for so many things that he had not been available for in the past. We planned the holidays together, and we executed them together. It was exciting. But now it is time to pack up the boxes. Now it is time to go back to the "real world".
The questions now start to sound louder. "When will you know if this will work out?" "When will you actually start bringing in money?" "What will we do if this doesn't work out?" Our money running out deadline seems so much closer now than it did back in November. "Will we be okay?"
Instead of panic running underneath these questions, there is still peace. I feel confident that he will find something. I feel confident we will make it. I know this why? Because one of the advantages of being an adult is the lifetime of experiences to look back over. We have made it through many events that others would not and have not made it through. God has been there with us in the dark days. God has been there with us in the light days. And God will be with us in the future. Plus, we have each other.
So, as I pack the boxes here in a bit, these are the thoughts going through my mind. What faces you when you finish packing up the holiday boxes? What "real life" events are coming your way? How will you face them?
I pray it is with the confidence that you are not alone. May it be so.
But the majority of life is not lived that way. It is lived in the "in between" moments, in the stripped down moments.
My husband announced in September that he no longer wanted to be a minister. That he wanted to "step down". This announcement really came as no surprise to me. I knew he was unhappy and I knew he wanted to do more. He struggled for a couple of years trying to discern what part of the job was causing the unrest, thinking a new job would cure it. But I knew in my heart that the answer was not in a new church, a new place, but a new career. He became ultimately clear about that in the fall, and left right before Thanksgiving.
Up to that time his life must have somewhat felt like Christmas all the time. Responsibilities, known expectations, and unknown, traditions to keep, places to go, people excited/upset, order of a sort. Then he sat amid the boxes. What next? You see, my brave husband resigned with no plan. Some say this is insane. Many in the church couldn't understand how he could leave with no idea of the future. This is not like my husband, he is our sole breadwinner, and he takes that job very seriously. But you see, it was the right thing to do. The church was at a crossroads, and he saw that. He saw that he couldn't really take a year to figure out what he was going to do while they suffered huge staff cuts. So he did the right thing and left now. Of course, this is like my husband. He acts. Once he has figured something out in his mind, he goes for it. There is no second guessing. There are no regrets. I admire that about him.
But back to the boxes. So he packs up his "old life", and along the way catches glimpses of what the "new life" could look like. Then Christmas came and our life was decorated and busy. It was easy to not think about the future as we went about the many plans and activities of the season. It was exhilarating to have him present for so many things that he had not been available for in the past. We planned the holidays together, and we executed them together. It was exciting. But now it is time to pack up the boxes. Now it is time to go back to the "real world".
The questions now start to sound louder. "When will you know if this will work out?" "When will you actually start bringing in money?" "What will we do if this doesn't work out?" Our money running out deadline seems so much closer now than it did back in November. "Will we be okay?"
Instead of panic running underneath these questions, there is still peace. I feel confident that he will find something. I feel confident we will make it. I know this why? Because one of the advantages of being an adult is the lifetime of experiences to look back over. We have made it through many events that others would not and have not made it through. God has been there with us in the dark days. God has been there with us in the light days. And God will be with us in the future. Plus, we have each other.
So, as I pack the boxes here in a bit, these are the thoughts going through my mind. What faces you when you finish packing up the holiday boxes? What "real life" events are coming your way? How will you face them?
I pray it is with the confidence that you are not alone. May it be so.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Traditions or Memories
I start most mornings with a cup of coffee. When I reach into the cabinet to get a mug, I look to see if THE mug is clean and available. What is this mug? It is not fancy, it is not from some cool place that reminds me of a fancy vacation, it doesn't match any other mug. So what makes it THE mug? It was my Grandmother Eads' mug. Well, I made the mug for her. It is a plain white mug on which I used a paint pen and wrote "Grandmother". You remember that time in our lives when we used paint pens to write on mugs, plastic boxes and we used the dots on each letter? Well, now you get the picture. Although, through the years of use and washings, the words are washed off and the mug is back to being just plain white. But, my grandmother loved the mug and used it quite often. So, each morning begins with thoughts of my grandmother. Just like that I am transported back in time to her little kitchen. The smell of coffee and biscuits fills my nostrils and the sound of the wind through the screen door fills my ears. And for that second, she is here. My grandmother is the one to blame for my coffee addiction. She started me young....3 years old. Of course back then it was more cream and sugar than coffee. But my grandmother was a huge influence in my life. She gardened, crocheted, cooked, and loved her God and family. I named my daughter after her, that is how important she is to me. Unfortunately my children never got to know her, although my son met her when he was 3 months old. But there are no memories of her for them. Yet, they each feel they know her. Why? Because Grandmother Allie as she is now known in my home is kept alive with memories. I share memories constantly with my children. They roll their eyes when I mention THE mug. They cringe as I knit with embarrassment. But they know that this hobby takes me back to sitting next to my grandmother as she patiently taught me to crochet. I have kept her spirit alive in my life through returning to some of her favorite past-times. I taught myself to knit several years ago in an attempt to keep her memory alive. I try to garden, although I am AWFUL at it. I have purple irises in my yard because they were her favorite flower. And on it goes.
For the last 4 days, I have been keeping alive another memory. The memory of my other grandmother, Grandmother Riley. I am teaching my daughter how to sew. She is having a "homemade" Christmas with her best church friends. So, she decided to make them all pajama pants. She had "helped" her adult friend, M, sew pj's for me several years ago. She thought this would be a great and easy idea. Of course, as she is finding out, M actually did most of the work back then. But I am proud of her, she is working hard at this new skill. We are still in the cutting out phase. She must do all of this herself as my thumbs can no longer cut with scissors. It is back breaking work, as we are doing it on our dining room table and dd is now over 5'9" tall. As I sit at the table and pin the pattern to the fabric, I am transported to my grandmother's bedroom/sewing room. My grandmother was a professional seamstress. She made wardrobes for the most prestigious women in Amarillo, TX, back in the 50's, 60's, and 70's. She made everything from winter coats, to ballgowns encrusted with sequins, to pantsuits, to nightgowns. She was truly amazing. I never had store-bought clothes until I was 9 years old and we had moved to another state. I have negative memories of standing while grandmother pinned clothes on me. "Be still" "Stop wriggling" "Stand tall" "Stop slouching" My grandmother wasn't very patient with me. I was a "pistol" back then. This is one of many adjectives they used to describe me. I was also very strong-willed butting heads with a very strong woman! This resulted in many knock-down drag outs where she usually won, being that she was the adult. But as I sit with my daughter and tell her the stories, I am bringing her spirit to life. Although there are more negative feelings in these stories than with my other grandmother, there are still many significant lessons I learned from her. And I think of her often.
I wonder as I write this, what memories or traditions will be passed down to revive my spirit? Will a grandchild one day learn how to knit or crochet and think of me every time they pick up the needles? Or will they scrapbook and think of all the scrapbooks I have left them? Or maybe on their way to the library they will think of my love of books? Or watching a movie will remind them of curling up with me to watch a movie? I don't know. I do know that my grandchildren will not have to rely solely on my children's memories of me. They will have this blog. They will have all my scrapbooks. They will have all my writings that Jack saves. So I live my life, which has been influenced by many others before me, in such a way that I hope will influence those to come in a positive fashion. There will be negative feelings, I am human, but hopefully there will be many more positive.
What memories/traditions are you making as you live your life? Whose spirit are you bringing back to life? As I go about my day today, I will ponder these ideas. Will you?
For the last 4 days, I have been keeping alive another memory. The memory of my other grandmother, Grandmother Riley. I am teaching my daughter how to sew. She is having a "homemade" Christmas with her best church friends. So, she decided to make them all pajama pants. She had "helped" her adult friend, M, sew pj's for me several years ago. She thought this would be a great and easy idea. Of course, as she is finding out, M actually did most of the work back then. But I am proud of her, she is working hard at this new skill. We are still in the cutting out phase. She must do all of this herself as my thumbs can no longer cut with scissors. It is back breaking work, as we are doing it on our dining room table and dd is now over 5'9" tall. As I sit at the table and pin the pattern to the fabric, I am transported to my grandmother's bedroom/sewing room. My grandmother was a professional seamstress. She made wardrobes for the most prestigious women in Amarillo, TX, back in the 50's, 60's, and 70's. She made everything from winter coats, to ballgowns encrusted with sequins, to pantsuits, to nightgowns. She was truly amazing. I never had store-bought clothes until I was 9 years old and we had moved to another state. I have negative memories of standing while grandmother pinned clothes on me. "Be still" "Stop wriggling" "Stand tall" "Stop slouching" My grandmother wasn't very patient with me. I was a "pistol" back then. This is one of many adjectives they used to describe me. I was also very strong-willed butting heads with a very strong woman! This resulted in many knock-down drag outs where she usually won, being that she was the adult. But as I sit with my daughter and tell her the stories, I am bringing her spirit to life. Although there are more negative feelings in these stories than with my other grandmother, there are still many significant lessons I learned from her. And I think of her often.
I wonder as I write this, what memories or traditions will be passed down to revive my spirit? Will a grandchild one day learn how to knit or crochet and think of me every time they pick up the needles? Or will they scrapbook and think of all the scrapbooks I have left them? Or maybe on their way to the library they will think of my love of books? Or watching a movie will remind them of curling up with me to watch a movie? I don't know. I do know that my grandchildren will not have to rely solely on my children's memories of me. They will have this blog. They will have all my scrapbooks. They will have all my writings that Jack saves. So I live my life, which has been influenced by many others before me, in such a way that I hope will influence those to come in a positive fashion. There will be negative feelings, I am human, but hopefully there will be many more positive.
What memories/traditions are you making as you live your life? Whose spirit are you bringing back to life? As I go about my day today, I will ponder these ideas. Will you?
Friday, January 1, 2010
A New Year, A New Decade
2010 is upon us. This number has many people speculating about the future and what we as baby boomers thought life would be like in the 2000's. I have noticed on facebook several friends talking about what they once believed the year 2010 would look like. Many thought we would be living the life of the Jetson's. (if you don't know who they are....what are you doing on my blog????) Some wondered if we would even still be here. But everyone seems to agree that it is here, and time to go forward.
I have thought a lot about the previous decade. We moved here, my children went from preschoolers, to elementary schoolers, to middle schoolers, to high schoolers. My husband went from a full-time minister to an ...well, unemployed seeker. I went from a full-time teacher to a part-time teacher to a full-time mom. I almost lost both my mom and my dad in this last decade. My mom's mind was forever changed. And I grew up in this decade. I found myself and the ability to live with and even love myself. So the decade was packed with joy and tears.
I look back and realize a lot has changed. As I sat contemplating 2000, I knew that Jack and I were in talks with the church here. I knew that big change was coming. I knew that my health was not going to last much longer for me to continue working. I knew that my children were growing up. I knew that my parents were aging. But I had no concept of exactly how much change was coming.
Now, as I contemplate 2010, I am completely aware of the changes coming. In this decade, my children will become adults. My husband will begin a new career path. My parents' health will continue to deterirate and they may possibly die. And me? I will change too. I will no longer be a full-time mom. I will have more time on my hands. What will I do? How will I change?
If you had hinted at the amount of change coming to me back in 2000, I would have panicked. I would have been sick with worry and discontent. But I am no longer that girl. I now look forward with apprehension, sure, I am human, but with anticipation at what lays ahead. I know I can do this "looking ahead" because of who is by my side. The love of my life is with me and together, we will forge ahead.
So, as you look ahead to 2010, what adventures lay ahead? Are you ready? Are you having feelings of anticipation or apprehension? I pray for you a year/decade of change and growth. May it be so.
I have thought a lot about the previous decade. We moved here, my children went from preschoolers, to elementary schoolers, to middle schoolers, to high schoolers. My husband went from a full-time minister to an ...well, unemployed seeker. I went from a full-time teacher to a part-time teacher to a full-time mom. I almost lost both my mom and my dad in this last decade. My mom's mind was forever changed. And I grew up in this decade. I found myself and the ability to live with and even love myself. So the decade was packed with joy and tears.
I look back and realize a lot has changed. As I sat contemplating 2000, I knew that Jack and I were in talks with the church here. I knew that big change was coming. I knew that my health was not going to last much longer for me to continue working. I knew that my children were growing up. I knew that my parents were aging. But I had no concept of exactly how much change was coming.
Now, as I contemplate 2010, I am completely aware of the changes coming. In this decade, my children will become adults. My husband will begin a new career path. My parents' health will continue to deterirate and they may possibly die. And me? I will change too. I will no longer be a full-time mom. I will have more time on my hands. What will I do? How will I change?
If you had hinted at the amount of change coming to me back in 2000, I would have panicked. I would have been sick with worry and discontent. But I am no longer that girl. I now look forward with apprehension, sure, I am human, but with anticipation at what lays ahead. I know I can do this "looking ahead" because of who is by my side. The love of my life is with me and together, we will forge ahead.
So, as you look ahead to 2010, what adventures lay ahead? Are you ready? Are you having feelings of anticipation or apprehension? I pray for you a year/decade of change and growth. May it be so.
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