Thursday, April 15, 2010

A Mix of Thoughts and Love Thursday

I am a rule follower.  Many of my high school friends and even college friends are snickering about now.  I know, I have been a rule follower for all of my life.  I don't like getting in trouble.  I don't know if I have a huge conscience, or I just want people to like me so much, I don't want to disappoint.  Now, this doesn't mean that I have never broken the rules.  In high school, while my parents were out of town, I drank, drove me, Steph, Aaron and Brit to a basketball game in Conway.  Then we went back to my house and drank more. I got up the next morning and took the ACT, and upon returning home found I had locked myself out of the house.  Someone had to break in to let me in.  I sat at the kitchen table facing the driveway for hours until my parents' car drove up.  I then RAN to the car and pulled my mom out to confess and ask forgiveness.  It was too much for me.  I am the person now who will put money in the meter just in case, even when the sign says free on weekends.  I get nervous when the stadium and/or theater is empty, and Jack wants to move closer...what, not sit in our assigned seats?  The two times I have gotten pulled over by the police, I have gotten warnings, because I think they saw the complete panic attack I was having and felt sorry for me.

Now that I have teenagers, I find myself worried about them getting in trouble.  I finally paid for a stupid parking pass for my son at high school, because everyday I was scared to death he was going to be towed.  (for my TX and AR friends, I don't know if things have changed there, but in the East, there is so little parking, they charge hs kids to park at their hs!!!  OUTRAGEOUS!!  I didn't want to buy a pass in protest....)  When I find that my kids have done something wrong, I worry about what kind of trouble they could have gotten into.  The police could have gotten involved, they could get suspended from school, they could get kicked out of choir/baseball.   Now, to be clear, I am not worried about the trouble they get into with ME!!!  I am not the kind of parent that worries about angering my child by upholding our family, I'm not talking about that.  I am talking about outside forces.  I don't want my kids to get in trouble with consequences that could change the direction of their lives.  Jail, death to name a couple.  You know, pretty common worries, don't all moms have these?  and dads?  Unfortunately for me, it seems my kids did not inherit my conscious or my fear of getting in trouble......

Interestingly, although I want people to like me, and don't want to get in trouble, I have no problem standing up for what I believe.  And what I believe, is very different from what I was raised to believe, theologically, at least.  So I am going against the rules of my childhood.  But I don't feel angst over this.  I am okay with it.  In fact, I feel that I am following in Jesus' footsteps even more now than ever.  For I believe he called us to stand up for and support all people, regardless of their race, gender, socioeconomic status, or their sexual orientation.  Jesus was a rule breaker.

Today is Thursday, which means I am to look back over my week to see what I love.  This week has been a hard week, as you may have noticed from a lack of bear with me.

This week I am loving....
1.  That I live in an area that is open to gays and lesbians.  That there are safe places for them to work, worship and live their lives.

2.  That my kitchen is in the final stages.  The floor goes in tomorrow.

3.  That I have a partner in life who loves me, challenges me, and stands by me in the dark and light times of life.  Who also does not let my "fears" of breaking rules, overtake my life.  Yes, I move closer with him at the ballpark and the theater, and leave our assigned seats!!!!  He is such a renegade!

4.  That my college freshman roommate found me on facebook this week.  I have thought of her so often through the years.  She and I had sooo much fun!!  She even talked me into skipping my first class ever!!!  Yep!  We stayed at the dorm and drank hot chocolate and watched a Christmas movie.  AND my dad showed up at my class and caught me skipping!!!!!!!

5.  That a dear friend from high school found me this week on facebook.  I had a great group of friends who were all older that were such a great source of support during my high school years.  We were missing just one and she showed up this week!

6.  That you, my readers, have read this far.

What are loving this week?  Or what rules are you breaking?


  1. KaKi:

    I'm such a rule follower, too, and totally identified with the situations you described (e.g., paying tickets immediately, not wanting to change my assigned seat, etc.). Sooo me.

    This week I'm loving the chance to watch something I participated in become even bigger than I could have imagined or accomplished alone.

    And that I feel guided ... it's been a long time. ... but I feel guided. Yay!

  2. I know, Joy, I think that is one of the many things that bind us together!! :-) Our rule following!! I think it also makes our journey even more interesting, that we have "gone against the grain", if you will, of our upbringing.

    It is exciting to be a part of something bigger than yourself. The GLBT world is such a warm, loving place. I have been so proud of Jack's work, and his continued work in this area. I love being a "Straight Ally".

  3. I love, love, love this post, KaKi, and I can relate, too. My sister and I often talk about our tendency to be "too good" (in many areas; there are exceptions), and we actually have a competition going to be bad ... Every week when we talk, we name specific things we did that were counter to being too good. I'm winning by a long shot now, so it's great to see progress. I'm sorry to hear it's been a rough week, though. That makes it all the more moving to read the things you name in gratitude. Thank you.

  4. Mary, thank you for your kind words. I find this to be such a hard part of parenting. Encouraging my children to live their lives without fear, yet not breaking the law!!! :-) I want them to feel freedom to explore their world as I never did, but I don't want them to get in trouble. This contradiction causes a lot of pain. Anyway, from one rule follower to another, go have fun this weekend!!! :-)