A break. Finally a break. My gut seems to be a bit more settled today, so maybe the Crohn's is taking a bit of a rest. My fever has broken. My iron levels are up. Still a bit weak, afterall, I do have Mono still..but today my spirits are much higher.
It is one of those days I love. The sun is shining, the air is crisp and cool. My favorite kind of day. So, how could one's spirits be low?
On my mind today is a theme that seems to be swirling around me. Being a grownup stinks. My college-aged son is at the point in his life, with one year of being on his own under his belt, when he is realizing that being an adult isn't all it is cracked up to be! Then many of my middle-aged friends are at that point in their lives where their kids are leaving home or they themselves are recognizing that they are at that midway point and starting to wonder...Is this all there is? Is there where I want to be for the rest of my life? Why am I still here? Why am I not much farther along in my career, not much more financially stable, or not that in love with my spouse/partner? We have all at some point and maybe at many points, stopped and ask ourselves variations of these questions. Being a grownup carries lots of responsibilities. As my son recently said, "There is so much stuff to keep up with." And he is right. The sad thing is, he doesn't even know the half of it yet. It is fun to watch him as he grows up, but it is also a bit sad...I wish I could save him from the downs...but that isn't how we grow.
So how do we remain sane, much less happy? How do we face the responsibilities that feel like lead weights bringing us down? Well, this much I know to be true....when you follow your heart and love...you will get through. This is the message I am giving my son right now. Follow your heart, your passion. Yes, there will be hard times, but if you are doing what you love with whomever you love, there will be strength. Yes, sometimes you will want to give up, throw it all away, but then you look into your heart and you remember...this is what brings you joy, this person is who brings me joy, this job is what makes life better. And you can do it.
Often we find ourselves doing jobs that don't bring us satisfaction, joy, love. Often we find ourselves with burdens that outweigh our joy, such as medical bills, insurance premiums. But we must persevere, we must keep striving for that which brings joy and satisfaction. Maybe you are sacrificing right now so that your partner can follow their dream, maybe you are in a job right now that is not your passion, but pays the bills so that you can get one step closer to your dream job. Maybe, you are waiting around for a job....any job....just to pay the bills. Where is the joy there? How do you reconcile that with your heart? Only you know the answer to that question and all the others. At the end of the day, you must make the choices that you can live with. Maybe your need to have no worries about money, leads you to a job that isn't necessarily joyful, but it brings you joy to not have to worry about money. Maybe having to pinch every penny to not have to take on a third job while you wait for your dream job to become lucrative is what will bring you joy in the end. I don't know. I only know that the times in my life when our family has chosen out of love and care for each other, we have gotten through. Oh, there have been many times I wanted to choose the more lucrative route, but I am glad I followed my heart. It has been tough, it is tough right now, but I am content. I know for me and my family we are on the right path for us. And isn't that what really matters?
Thank you for listening to my babble. Reading my thoughts. And putting up with my self-interest!
Have a great day! Remember, Love Thursday is tomorrow! What will you be loving?
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