I have a choice every day. I can choose positive or negative. There are days I feel too overwhelmed to make a choice and let the choice be made for me. The last three days have been like that for me. The pain and depression of being chronically ill cannot always be silenced. Most days I try to get dressed, put on makeup, do my hair, and just go on. I look for the positive all day long, and get through my day. Some days it doesn't even feel like work. I start to feel more positive with each little positive encounter. Then those days start stacking up and it gets easier and easier. But eventually there are little negatives here and there, and then those seem to get closer and closer together. Soon I can no longer even see the positives. So I give in and just wallow. The next day I start again and that leads us to today.
There is a beautiful snow falling outside. It is the kind that doesn't leave us stuck inside. The sun even seems to be trying to come out. It isn't such a dark day. I love snow. I am a bit tired of it by now, but it is still beautiful.
I have a warm cozy house. It is just the right size for us. I am ready for it to be "finished". Several projects going on right now. I am blessed to be able to have those projects going on right now. And it will be beautiful when it is done.
My family supports me whatever kind of day I am having. Okay, honestly, I am not sure the kids are even aware of what kind of day I am having, but they are here. I have them all under one roof still......we won't go there....
I have terrific friends who are patient and kind with me. I bail on them so many times. I shut myself up and don't let them in or near and yet, they don't give up on me. They cry with me and laugh with me and send me words of encouragement even when their own lives are in the toilet.
I have a terrific husband. He listens. He holds me when I cry. He doesn't make light of whatever has gotten me down that day. He is just there. That says a lot. Many people would have tired of this by now.
I have a talent that allows me to make beautiful things. Jack's scarf is really pretty and the sweater I am finishing right now is gorgeous. My hands have knit those things. They bring me such joy.
I am a lucky girl. I have a lot to be thankful for. And I am grateful for the grace that my family and friends allow me to have my bad days. I am thankful that I have also learned to allow myself that same grace. Those days are inevitable, no matter who you are. Do you give yourself the grace to just feel?
What are you dealing with today? Are you giving yourself grace to wallow today, or are you trying to look up?